一、给我一些英语幽默笑话

Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.

The teacher says, "Why are you arguing?"

One boy answers, "We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."

"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."

The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.

当老师走进教室时，两个男孩在争论。

老师是说：你们在争论什么？

一个男孩回答：‘我们捡到一张10块，我们决定把它给一个说最大的谎的人。’

'你们应该觉得羞耻'老师说，‘当我像你们那么大的时候，我连什么是说谎都不知道。’

两个男孩把钱给了那个老师。

1,Two birls

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.

Teacher: Please tell us.

Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

两只鸟

老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？

学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。

老师：请说说看。

学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

2. The Fish Net

"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"

"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.

鱼网

"你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安？" 老师发问道。

"把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。" 小女孩回答道。

He Won

Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.

Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?

Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

他赢了

汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？

约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。

汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？

约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。

选我吧

二、英语幽默小故事

I teach computer courses,and my students often call me at home with questions.One morning I was on the phone,explaining in computer language the solution to a problem,while a repairman was fixing my refrigerator.After an endless stream of "C colon,back- slash,greater than,cd,backslash,DOS,0 colon" and so on,I hung up and found the repairman staring at me."Lady," he asked,are you a spy?" Notes:(1) computer language 计算机语言（2） refrigerator n.冰箱（3） backslash n.回车（4） greater than大于号（5） DOS 计算机语言中的DOS处理Exercises：根据短文回答下列问题：① What does the teacher teach？② With what do students call her at home？③ Who was in the teacher's house when she was on the phone？④ Was it a long talk？⑤ Why did the repairman think she was a spy？电话交谈我教计算机课程，我的学生经常打电话到我家问我问题.一天早晨，我在电话里用计算机语言解释一个问题的答案，当时一个维修工正在给我修电冰箱.经过一连串的“C冒号，回车，大于号，CD，回车，DOS,C冒号”等等，我挂上电话发现那位维修工在盯着我.“女士，”他问，“你是个间谍吗？”练习参考答案：① She teaches computer courses.② Questions.③ A repairman.④ Yes,it was.⑤ Because the repairman didn't understand computer language.。

三、搞笑的英语老师Ashley作文

我们有一位特别搞笑的英语老师Ashiley。

他是一个英籍老外，头发黑黑的，眼睛是棕色的，长方脸，戴着一副长方形镜框的眼镜。我并不是说他长相搞笑，而是他的行为特别搞笑，不信我就来给大家讲讲吧： 有一次，我拿一根笋干给他吃，Ashiley装作被吓着的样子，用怪腔怪调的中文说：“啊！蛇，蛇！”看见他这样，我马上叫来兴趣班的同学一起拿笋干给Ashiley吃，看见他怪模怪样，逗得我们捧腹大笑。

Ashiley上的课课堂气氛很活跃，大部分时间都是在游戏中度过的。他经常让我们玩“吊死鬼”的游戏：每个同学读单词，若读错了，他就在黑板上划两条线，直到最后划成一个吊死鬼的模样，他就会宣布谁是吊死鬼，这时同学们就会一起说：“吊死的不是我，是Ashiley！”在游戏过程中我们学会了很多英语单词。

小朋友。我的英语老师Ashiley好笑吗？如果你身边有什么趣事，风趣的人就跟同学说一说吧！。

四、【幽默英语演讲稿】

by Leigh Hunt I had a schoolmate who had come into school at an age later than usual,and could hardly read.There was a book used by the leaners in reading called“Dialogues between a Missionary and an Indian.”It was a poor performance,full of inconclusive arguments and other commonplaces.The boy in question used to appear with this book in his hand in the middle of the school,the master standing behind him. The lesson was to begin.The poor fellow,whose great fault lay in a deep toned drawl of his syllable and the omission of his stops,stood half looking at the book,and half casting his eye towards the right of him,whence the blows were to proceed.The master looked over him,and his hand was ready.I am not exact in my quotation at this distance of time ;but the spirit of one of the passages that I recollect was to the following purport,and thus did the teacher and his pupil proceed:Master.“Now,young man,have a care ;or I'll set you a swingeing task.”(A common phrase of his.) Pupil(making a sort of heavy bolt at his calamity,and neverremembering his stop at the word“Missionary”).Missionary Can you see the wind?(Master gives him a aslap on thehcheek.) Pupil(raising his voice to a cry,and still forgetting his stop).“Indian No!” Master.“Zounds,young man!have a care how you provoke me!” Pupil(always forgetting the stop).Missionary How then do you know that there is such a thing?” (Here a terrible thump.) Pupil(with a shout of agony). Indian Because I feel it.” 15.诵读课 李·亨特 当年我有个同学，入学比常规的年龄要迟，而且几乎完全不会读书.那时有个学生用的阅读课本，叫做《传教士和印第安人的对话》.课本不怎么样，尽是不得要领的论说和一些老生常谈.那孩子常常手拿该课本出现在学校中央，身后站着教师.授课即将开始.那可怜的学生的毛病在于他读音节时语调深沉地拖长腔并略去应有的停顿.他站立着，三心二意地看着书，一面向身子右边瞄去，因为打击将会来自那个方向.教师盯视着他，手已摆出了打人的架势.因为时隔已久，我的引述可能不很确切，但就我所忆，先生和学生的一次对话的要旨大致如下：老师：“年轻人，小心点；要不我可要让你狠狠吃点苦头.”（这是他的口头禅.） 学生：（大难临头，身体猛然一摇闪，根本记不得在“传教士”一词后应该停顿.）“传教士你能看见风吗？” （教师扇了他一耳光.） 学生：（提高了嗓音，几乎是在哭喊，但仍不记得要停顿）“印第安人不能啊！” 教师：“该死！年轻人，小心点别惹我发火！” 学生：（一如既往漏掉停顿）“传教士那你怎么知道有这样一种东西呢？” （这时来了重重一击.） 学生：（痛苦地叫喊）“印第安人因为我感觉到了.”。