一、搞笑的英语句子翻译

一、幽默的英语句子 1) Money is not everything. There's Mastercard & Visa. 钞票不是万能的，有时还需要信用卡。

2) One should love animals. They are so tasty. 每个人都应该热爱动物，因为它们很好吃。 3)Save water. Shower with your girlfriend. 要节约用水，尽量和女友一起洗澡。

4)Love the neighbor. But don't get caught. 要用心去爱你的邻居，不过不要让她的老公知道。 5)Behind every successful man, there is a woman. And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two. 每个成功男人的背后，都有一个女人。

每个不成功男人的背后，都有两个。 6)Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life. 再快乐的单身汉迟早也会结婚，幸福不是永久的嘛。

7)The wise never marry, And when they marry they become otherwise. 聪明人都是未婚的，结婚的人很难再聪明起来。 8)Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives. 成功是一个相关名词，他会给你带来很多不相关的亲戚（联系）。

9)Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today. 不要等明天交不上差再找借口，今天就要找好。 10)Love is photogenic. It needs darkness to develop. 爱情就象照片，需要大量的暗房时间来培养。

（老外也保守，要摸黑办事，哈哈） 11)Children in backseats cause accidents. Accidents in backseats cause children. 后排座位上的小孩会生出意外，后排座位上的意外会生出小孩。 12)"Your future depends on your dreams." So go to sleep. "现在的梦想决定着你的将来"，所以还是再睡一会吧。

13)There should be a better way to start a day than waking up every morning. 应该有更好的方式开始新一天，而不是千篇一律的在每个上午都醒来。 14)"Hard work never killed anybody." But why take the risk？ " "努力工作不会导致死亡！"不过我不会用自己去证明。

15)"Work fascinates me." I can look at it for hours！ " "工作好有意思耶！"尤其是看着别人工作。 16)God made relatives; Thank God we can choose our friends. 神决定了谁是你的亲戚，幸运的是在选择朋友方面他给了你留了余地。

17)When two's company, three's the result！ 两个人的状态是不稳定的，三个人才是！ 18)A dress is like a barbed fence. It protects the premises without restricting the view. 服饰就象铁丝网，它阻止你冒然行动但并不妨碍你尽情的观看。 19)The more you learn, the more you know, The more you know, the more you forget. The more you forget, the less you know. So why bother to learn. 学的越多，知道的越多，知道的越多，忘记的越多，忘记的越多，知道的越少，为什么学来着？ 二、励志的英语句子 1.No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry. 没有人值得你流泪，值得让你这么做的人不会让你哭泣。

2.If you fail, don't forget to learn your lesson. 如果你失败了，千万别忘了汲取教训。 3.Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you. 不要为那些不愿在你身上花费时间的人而浪费你的时间 4.Live a noble and honest life. Reviving past times in your old age will help you to enjoy your life again. 过一种高尚而诚实的生活。

当你年老时回想起过去，你就能再一次享受人生。 5.To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world. 对于世界而言，你是一个人；但是对于某个人，你是他的整个世界。

6.Never judge people by their appearance. 永远不要以貌取人。 7.Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to. 不要着急，最好的总会在最不经意的时候出现。

8.Remember the best love is to love others unconditionally rather than make demands on them. 记住：最好的爱存在于对别人的爱胜于对别人的索求之上。 9.Use your crystal goblets. Do not save your best perfume, and use it every time you feel you want it. 举起你的酒杯吧。

不要吝啬洒上你最好的香水，你想用的时候就享用吧！ 10.Search for knowledge, read more, sit on your front porch and admire the view without paying attention to your needs. 寻找更多的知识，多读一些书，坐在你家的前廊里，以赞美的眼光去享受眼前的风景，不要带上任何功利的想法。 11.Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you. 在你想了解别人也想让别人了解你之前，先完善并了解自己。

12.Do not keep anything for a special occasion, because every day that you live is a SPECIAL OCCASION. 不要将你的东西为了某一个特别的时刻而预留着，因为你生活的每一天都是那么特别。 13.Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile. 纵然伤心，也不要愁眉不展，因为你不知是谁会爱上你的笑容。

14."There are only two creatures," says a proverb, "who can surmount the pyramids-the eagle and the snail." 俗话说：“能登上金字塔的。

二、英语幽默小故事

I teach computer courses,and my students often call me at home with questions.One morning I was on the phone,explaining in computer language the solution to a problem,while a repairman was fixing my refrigerator.After an endless stream of "C colon,back- slash,greater than,cd,backslash,DOS,0 colon" and so on,I hung up and found the repairman staring at me."Lady," he asked,are you a spy?" Notes:(1) computer language 计算机语言（2） refrigerator n.冰箱（3） backslash n.回车（4） greater than大于号（5） DOS 计算机语言中的DOS处理Exercises：根据短文回答下列问题：① What does the teacher teach？② With what do students call her at home？③ Who was in the teacher's house when she was on the phone？④ Was it a long talk？⑤ Why did the repairman think she was a spy？电话交谈我教计算机课程，我的学生经常打电话到我家问我问题.一天早晨，我在电话里用计算机语言解释一个问题的答案，当时一个维修工正在给我修电冰箱.经过一连串的“C冒号，回车，大于号，CD，回车，DOS,C冒号”等等，我挂上电话发现那位维修工在盯着我.“女士，”他问，“你是个间谍吗？”练习参考答案：① She teaches computer courses.② Questions.③ A repairman.④ Yes,it was.⑤ Because the repairman didn't understand computer language.。

三、英文短文幽默故事

An old man lived alone in Northern Ireland.His only son was inprison.The old man wanted to plant some potatoes in his garden but he didn't know anyone who would help him plow up the garden.He wrote to his son about it,and received this reply,"For HEAVENS SAKE,don't dig up that garden,that's where I buried the GUNS!" At 4 AM the next morning,a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden,but didn't find any guns.Confused,the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next.His son's reply was:"Just plant your potatoes."一个老人独居在北爱尔兰，他的独生子正在坐牢.老人想在花园里种些土豆，但不知道谁可以帮忙把泥土翻松.他写信想儿子提及此事，儿子回信说道：“看在上帝的面上，千万不要翻松花园的泥土，我把枪埋在那儿了.”第二天凌晨4点，一队英国士兵出现在老人家中，在花园把土地翻遍，但并没有找到任何枪支.” 老人写信告诉儿子这件奇怪的事情，问到底发生了什么事情，下一步应该怎么做.儿子回信道：“你只管种土豆好了.”Mr.and Mrs.Taylor had a seven year old boy named Pat.Now Mrs.Taylor was expecting another child. Pat had seen babies in other people's houses and had not liked them very much,so he was not delighted about the news that there was soon going to be one in his house too. One evening Mr.and Mrs.Taylor were making plans for the baby's arrival.“This house won't be big enough for us all when the baby comes,”said Mr.Taylor. Pat came into the room just then and said,“What are you talking about?”“We were saying that we'll have to move to an other house now,because the new baby's coming,”his mother answered. “ It's no use,”said Pat hopelessly.“ He'll follow us there.” 泰勒夫妇有一个七岁的男孩，名叫帕特.现在泰勒太太正怀着第二胎.帕特在别人家看见过婴儿，他不太喜欢他们，所以他对自己家里也将有一个婴儿的消息感到不满.一天晚上，泰勒夫妇正在为这个婴儿的降生计划做安排.泰勒先生说：“有了婴儿，我们的房子就太小，不够住了.” 帕特恰好在这个时候走进屋，他问：“你们在说什么？”他的母亲回答说：“我们在说我们现在得搬家，因为婴儿就要诞生了.” “那没用，”帕特绝望地说.“他会跟我们到那儿去的.”。

四、【幽默英语演讲稿】

by Leigh Hunt I had a schoolmate who had come into school at an age later than usual,and could hardly read.There was a book used by the leaners in reading called“Dialogues between a Missionary and an Indian.”It was a poor performance,full of inconclusive arguments and other commonplaces.The boy in question used to appear with this book in his hand in the middle of the school,the master standing behind him. The lesson was to begin.The poor fellow,whose great fault lay in a deep toned drawl of his syllable and the omission of his stops,stood half looking at the book,and half casting his eye towards the right of him,whence the blows were to proceed.The master looked over him,and his hand was ready.I am not exact in my quotation at this distance of time ;but the spirit of one of the passages that I recollect was to the following purport,and thus did the teacher and his pupil proceed:Master.“Now,young man,have a care ;or I'll set you a swingeing task.”(A common phrase of his.) Pupil(making a sort of heavy bolt at his calamity,and neverremembering his stop at the word“Missionary”).Missionary Can you see the wind?(Master gives him a aslap on thehcheek.) Pupil(raising his voice to a cry,and still forgetting his stop).“Indian No!” Master.“Zounds,young man!have a care how you provoke me!” Pupil(always forgetting the stop).Missionary How then do you know that there is such a thing?” (Here a terrible thump.) Pupil(with a shout of agony). Indian Because I feel it.” 15.诵读课 李·亨特 当年我有个同学，入学比常规的年龄要迟，而且几乎完全不会读书.那时有个学生用的阅读课本，叫做《传教士和印第安人的对话》.课本不怎么样，尽是不得要领的论说和一些老生常谈.那孩子常常手拿该课本出现在学校中央，身后站着教师.授课即将开始.那可怜的学生的毛病在于他读音节时语调深沉地拖长腔并略去应有的停顿.他站立着，三心二意地看着书，一面向身子右边瞄去，因为打击将会来自那个方向.教师盯视着他，手已摆出了打人的架势.因为时隔已久，我的引述可能不很确切，但就我所忆，先生和学生的一次对话的要旨大致如下：老师：“年轻人，小心点；要不我可要让你狠狠吃点苦头.”（这是他的口头禅.） 学生：（大难临头，身体猛然一摇闪，根本记不得在“传教士”一词后应该停顿.）“传教士你能看见风吗？” （教师扇了他一耳光.） 学生：（提高了嗓音，几乎是在哭喊，但仍不记得要停顿）“印第安人不能啊！” 教师：“该死！年轻人，小心点别惹我发火！” 学生：（一如既往漏掉停顿）“传教士那你怎么知道有这样一种东西呢？” （这时来了重重一击.） 学生：（痛苦地叫喊）“印第安人因为我感觉到了.”。

五、求一篇英语幽默

A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.

"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"

"She is the one who sells the candy."

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”

“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”

“她是个卖糖果的。”

Drunk

One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."

"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"

醉酒

一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”

Hospitality

The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.

好客

由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。

六、写一篇搞笑英语作文搞笑点

It seems a farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn.The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise."Hey Willis!" the farmer yelled,"Forget your troubles.Come in with us.Then I'll help you get the wagon up." "That's mighty nice of you,“Willis answered,"but I don't think Pa would like me to." "Aw,come on," the farmer insisted."Well okay," the boy finally agreed,and added,"but Pa won't like it."After a hearty dinner,Willis thanked his host and said,"I feel a lot better now,but I know Pa is going to be real upset." "Don't be foolish," the neighbor said with a smile,"by the way,where is he?" "Under the wagon."。