求大神批改作文剑5task2,谢谢

1. 模板的感觉比较重，尤其第一段，当然也许你已经修改了模板，但是还是需要继续深化。

2. 第一句的increasing和development有点重合的感觉，你想表达是不是“社会发展越来越快或者越来越深化”呢，如果是的话，把increasing换成deepening

3. debate这个词是可数名词，因此，many debates

4. 首段第三行，population这个词，我觉得你想表达比例相同，因此换用proportion更好，句式再丰富一些，of same proportion

5. of the situation，单数可数名词不能裸奔。类似的情况还有of the society

6. 第二段的to some extent太官方了，加在这里的话有点没头没脑的

7. 第二段首句，非谓语argued/conflicted和universities的关系，这个地方有点模糊，你也许想说这个话题一致处于争论中，那么建议用独立主格。The topic being argued and conflicted，再加上后面句子

8. 从some departments开始到their ages结束，这一大句中涉及到了like+etc的用法，etc首先是不正规的，然后和like冲突，建议换成such as就好了。然后非限制性定语从句which建议换成非谓语结构

9. 二段最后一句，用虚拟更好

10. 三段首句the more中的the直接省去

11. as we all know不是as all we know

12. individuals minds differ from male to femal改成differ a lot between male and female，知道你想表达的意思，不过from表示从XX到XX，感觉有点怪怪的

13. which后面的两个what要加上and

14. 上一句后面if那句话，后面一个which，直接木有主语了，所有后面直接上句子，别which了

15. additionally或者in addition

16. not just应该是not only

17. 第三段最后一句，我终于看懂了，你的谓语在最后，那么female后面的garduate应该变成graduating

18. although变成in sum或者on balance

19. think it改成think it over或者consider

20. and then后面的analyzing应该是原型，因为前面有一个should

以上是我的观点，如果觉得好，请采纳哦~~

批改作文 剑七 test2 task2

"基本完成了任务，5.5分 具体点评如下：点评1 Nowadays,a hot and important contraversy /controversy concerning the problem whether the punishments for each type of crimes should be fixed.全句没有谓语，而且whether 后面也不是句子。

这种错误一定要避免。可以在important后面加 is. Whether 后面可改成：whether punishments for each type of crime should be fixed 2 Some people contend that the consistent punishments seems to be fairer and more clearly/clear.while a large amount proporation/去掉 of people advocate that it depends on individual situation.I will present and analyde both views here.取其把题目几乎不做改动的抄一遍，可以选择其他的开篇方式，people have various opinions concerning whether punishments for each type of crime should be fixed. As for me， + 观点3 The first plain truth I want to emphasize here is that every crimes/crime has its own reasons and results/不相关，去掉，it can not be divided/judged simplity/simply from one aspect. So that the decision which considered/consider different circumstance turns to be positive reasonable. 论证有些浅，可以深度解释，也可举例，否则就成了喊口考了Furthermore, with the complicate motivation and action, there has/is not a boundry/boundary line/去掉 between two similar commitment in current days. The flexible punishment system will not fail to be one good way to show the society that the government care about them, and thus ,the general public are able to participate more in government policy determination/policy-making. Last but not least,the sdandadization of law has been improved rapidly in these years. Even two crimes lead to the same result, ones original intension to commite should be taking account /should be taken into account to replect/replace the regular law setup.4 Admittedly, fixed punishments have some merits. Under the fixed punishment system, the law enforcement officials have definite rules to follow. The crimes will make up some excuses for themselves to get/gain the jurys simpathy/sympathy , and escape from the judgment they due to/are due to receive. But with the developed law system, this problem can be solved efficiently. 跑题了这一段有一半是跑题的，要谈固定刑罚的理由，而不是如果避免法庭上不公平5 In conclusion,altough/although fixed punishment policy has deniable/undeniable advantages, I regard the flexible system as a better choice. It is the best way for us to get a clear perspevtive/perspective of what teh/the crimes got/what type of punishment law offenders should get relied on/according to their crimes what they have done/去掉.with such a perspective, we can own a more peaceful society."。

求大神批改作文剑5task2,谢谢

模板的感觉比较重，尤其第一段，当然也许你已经修改了模板，但是还是需要继续深化。

第一句的increasing和development有点重合的感觉，你想表达是不是“社会发展越来越快或者越来越深化”呢，如果是的话，把increasing换成deepeningdebate这个词是可数名词，因此，many debates首段第三行，population这个词，我觉得你想表达比例相同，因此换用proportion更好，句式再丰富一些，of same proportionof the situation，单数可数名词不能裸奔。类似的情况还有of the society第二段的to some extent太官方了，加在这里的话有点没头没脑的第二段首句，非谓语argued/conflicted和universities的关系，这个地方有点模糊，你也许想说这个话题一致处于争论中，那么建议用独立主格。

The topic being argued and conflicted，再加上后面句子从some departments开始到their ages结束，这一大句中涉及到了like+etc的用法，etc首先是不正规的，然后和like冲突，建议换成such as就好了。然后非限制性定语从句which建议换成非谓语结构二段最后一句，用虚拟更好三段首句the more中的the直接省去as we all know不是as all we knowindividuals minds differ from male to femal改成differ a lot between male and female，知道你想表达的意思，不过from表示从XX到XX，感觉有点怪怪的which后面的两个what要加上and上一句后面if那句话，后面一个which，直接木有主语了，所有后面直接上句子，别which了additionally或者in additionnot just应该是not only第三段最后一句，我终于看懂了，你的谓语在最后，那么female后面的garduate应该变成graduatingalthough变成in sum或者on balancethink it改成think it over或者considerand then后面的analyzing应该是原型，因为前面有一个should 以上是我的观点，如果觉得好，请采纳哦~~。

剑10 test1 小作文什么意思

剑10test1小作文，家用能源和气体排放The above two charts depict the Austrilianhousehold energy use and the corresponding gas emissions of each type of energyuse.From the first pie chart we could see thatwater heating and heating are two major types of energy use, which occupies 30%and 42% of all the energy used in one household. Other appliances use 15% ofthe energy, and then refrigeration, lighting and cooling, which share the left13% of energy.Figures in the second chart are quitedifferent from that of the first chart. Heating, which consumes 42% of a householdsenergy, only emits 15% of all the gas that one household produces. But the gasemission and energy use of water heating are pretty even, at around 30%. Costs only7% of all the energy, refrigeration produces 14% of all the gas, which goes forthe condition of other appliances and the figures are 15% and 28%, and for thecondition of lighting, 4% and 8%. Cooling consumes 2% of energy and contributesto 3% of gas emission.To sum up, water heating and heatingconsume 72% of energy and produces only 47% of gas. Refrigeration and otherappliances, though only use 22% of energy, emit 42% of gas.大作文， 教小孩是非观要不要从小时候就开始教， 要不要punishmentIndeed, children need to learn how to tellright from wrong as they grow into adults. But as far as I am concerned, it isbetter for us to teach this ability to them when they are older rather than atan early age. Moreover, certain punishments are required to make sure childrencould behave themselves.For starter, it would be easier for us toteach children about the difference between right and wrong when they becomeolder. Young children, due to their lack of life experience, have difficultiesin understanding moral lectures. However, after they grow up a little, theycould better digest the meaning of what is right and wrong based on their pastexperience, thus will grasp the notion of right and wrong more easily andthoroughly.Similarly, older children tend to know moreabout punishment, and will be able to learn from the punishment caused by theirfail to recognize the distinction between right and wrong. Punishment mighthave long-lasting influences on younger children for they are too fragile. Olderchildren, on the other hand, could handle punishment more with ease and couldfigure out the reason they got punished. Therefore, they could gain betterunderstanding about right and wrong than younger children do.The sort of punishment for parents andteachers to use whey they are trying to teach children about good behavior is asubtle issue. But the function of punishment is undeniable. It is necessary topunish a child because of his or her wrong acting. I suggest to use criticizeor physical training, such as asking children to do cleaning, as punishment.To conclude, teaching children about rightand wrong should be waited until children become older. Accompanied by certainways of punishment, the teaching process would be more productive.。

雅思大作文task 2~~~跪求估分+建议~~ 剑7test2中关于犯罪惩罚标准的

Some people asert that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime.asert拼写错误，assertI could give some reasons for it. 这句话是废话，字数够的话就删掉吧if someone feels his/her rights are invaded, there is a long way to go.这句话不妨换用虚拟语气。

Secondly, this regulation may contribute to the low crime rate. secondly太死板了 换成in addition what is more furthermore等One possibly submitting a crime in the past would now be alerted by the fixed punishment.would now be?Firstly, circumstance can effect ones behaviour to a certain degree.建议改成First and foremost, circumstance, to some extent, can effect(impact) ones behaviours(manner)总体来说写的挺好的，如果lz想出国可以直接去考一次雅思了。建议第三段扩写一些，不要使理由段长短对比那么强烈，再加强一下句子间的衔接和长短句结合。

不足之处请多指出~谢谢~。

剑11中的作文范文怎么像中国人写的和评的

调皮的表妹作文 简介：我的表妹今年5岁了，她天真活泼，机灵顽皮，非常可爱.一天中午，我和表妹坐在床铺上玩耍.她歪着脑袋，右手拿根红色的小塑料管，眨巴着一双明亮的大眼睛，调皮地对我说：“姐姐，咱俩用这根管子吹气，比比谁的气力的大，好吗？” “好…

我的表妹今年5岁了，她天真活泼，机灵顽皮，非常可爱.

一天中午，我和表妹坐在床铺上玩耍.她歪着脑袋，右手拿根红色的小塑料管，眨巴着一双明亮的大眼睛，调皮地对我说：“姐姐，咱俩用这根管子吹气，比比谁的气力的大，好吗？”

“好，现在就吹！”话音刚落，俩就喊着细管的一头，吹起来.我使出最大的力气，却吹不过她.我偷偷地看了一眼，一瞧，只见他在暗笑，红红的嘴唇紧紧地抿着，想在说“哈哈，你吹不过我吧！你真是个大笨蛋”

难道表妹会有这么大的气力？我就不信我赢不了她小丫头！于是，我使劲儿地吹起来.我憋得脸红脖子粗，嘴巴都吹疼了，而表妹却冷不防地伸出小手，在我鼓得溜圆的腮帮上一捏，“噗哧”一声，笑了.这是，我忽然看见表妹那边管头上地有几个深深的牙印，这时，我才恍然大悟；她是把管子咬死了呀！我怎么能吹过她呢？

我吐掉管子，伸手嬉戏着打她，表妹一闪身，嗖的跳下床，撩起门帘，跑到屋子外面去了，“咚！”表妹正撞在了刚要出门买菜的阿姨身上.阿姨假装生气地说：“你怎么啦？到处乱撞！像个石头人一样重，要是个孩子儿，非让你这下压成肉饼不可？”

表妹笑得弯下了腰，用食指指着我，断断续续地说：“姐姐她.才是.‘石头人’呢！”说着，她跌跌撞撞地笑着地冲出了家门玩耍去了.

这我的表妹，她是那样地调皮，机灵，天真可爱.

今天12月6号的雅思写作task2 求给篇范文或者写作思路 大神们跪谢啊

写作思路在这里！推荐楼主关注一个微信平台：雅思小助手，我就是上面看到的~~1. The different extent of development results in the varied gesture of city. A city with many tall building called the Vertical city and some people hold the view that this kind of city is a good place the live and working such as New York and Tokyo . However, others think that the city with fewer tall buildings, which is the so-called Horizontal city, is their preference.2.现如今，垂直型发展的城市变得越来越多为了满足人口的日益增长，比如说日益发展的中国，或者其他的发展中国家。

而这些高楼有些是办公楼有些是住宅，他们生活和工作都在高楼里面，这可以给他们带来生活的便利，他们不用走很远的路去工作，更不用花很久的时间去购物，因为可能大型超市就在他们的楼下。垂直的距离比水平的距离更加让人觉得亲近。

同时，在高楼里他们可以原理噪音从而更加投入到工作中去。3.但是，与此同时，水平发展的城市也是存在的，比如说北欧的国家，或者说，发达国家的大部分城市。

他们更加适应水平型城市，因为少的高楼可以减轻他们国家对电力的巨大需求，他们不需要很多的电梯消耗，同时把水运送到高的地方也是要消耗能源的。而且少一点高楼会让大部分更好的接触到阳光，而不是在“丛林”般的高楼里穿梭。

这不仅节约能源而且对人们的健康也是有好的。这给人们生活和工作提供了良好的条件。

4.总的来说，发展垂直型的城市是不可避免的趋势，我们能做的只是尽我们的可能让城市更加和谐，而不是破坏这种秩序。2. Being in the maturation phase of urbanization, cities with diversified characteristics can be seen everywhere. Some people hold the perspective that those who live in perpendicular cities gain more benefits while others think that it is better to inhabit in cities which have few high-rise blocks. In the essay, I intend to discuss the both of views. 居住在垂直发展的城市里，城市的功能更加紧凑，从而人们的生活更加便利。

许多高楼和写字楼都囊括了多方面的功能，例如，如果一座建筑的1-3层可能是商铺，4-8层可能是办公区域9层可能是健身房，10层可能是美食中心，那么一个在4-8层工作的人就可以在办公以外的时间去购物、健身或者享受美食，而这些只需要在一座建筑中就可以完成。另外，高楼林立的城市规划更加节省土地，其他大多数的土地面积可以用作环保绿化、生产等。

但是，居住在这样抬头看不见蓝天的城市也会让人感到十分压抑，时间久了也会对人们的身体造成一些不良影响。 相比垂直发展的城市，居住在低矮房屋型的城市里的居民生活舒适感会更高。

这样的城市一马平川，抬头能看见蓝天白云，放眼望去远山环绕，一片开阔，让人们一天的心情都舒畅闲适。而且在这样的城市里，交通也不容易堵塞，人们出行更加方便，上班族们也不用担心上班迟到会被扣工资。

另外，这样的城市发展节奏会相对慢一点，人们的工作、生活压力会小一点。但是，这样的城市发展水平往往低于垂直发展的城市。

在我的观点里，一个城市无论是高楼林立还是房屋低矮都要取决于它的区位和发展，有的地方的地理位置，发展前景、经济区位决定了它只能是高楼林立的城市，例如中国的上海、美国的纽约。但是一些偏远的高山高原地区决定了它只能水平发展，例如云南的丽江、贵州的贵阳。

所以无论城市怎样发展，只要是适合的发展模式对于居民来说就是好的。 综上所述，高楼林立的城市也好，低矮房屋型的城市也好，都各有所长、各有所短。

但对于人们来说，顺应城市发展规律的发展模式才是最适合的。3. Some people think that "Vertical "City is the best where people live and work in tall buildings. Others think that "Horizontal" City is better where there are few tall buildings. Discuss both views and give your opinion.some metropolises like sydeny and new york city have been saturated with plenty of tall buildings and some people believe that it is preferable. however, others believe that few tall buildings are better. there are conflicting views on by which means it will be better for our life and work.支持那些高楼大厦对人们的生活和工作好的原因之一是这能够节省空间，充分利用有限的空间来提高工作效率。

这尤其体现在那些人口密集的地方，比如说上海。在这些城市的cbd中，往往很难见到平矮的楼层。

这些建筑里会有各种各样的你需要的商业，比如说，你在1搂办理的银行业务，然后又到了12搂办理了丢失的护照，最后在15搂得到了贴签。相比那种不集中分开的建筑群来说，这能让你在几个小时只能解决之前困扰你很久的问题。

此外，住在这些高楼里的人的心情会感到格外的舒畅。住在20-30层，意味着你会有更广阔的视野去欣赏美景，夕阳的西下会让你感到很放松，这尤其明显对于那些工作了一整天处在非常紧张的工作的人们。

然而，那些支持horizontal city的人认为这能够让他们的出行更便捷。他们只需打开自己的家门然后，乘坐公交车就可以了。

而相比于那些住在高楼大厦的人来说，他们主要是依。

雅思写作Task2范文：你想去哪个国家旅游

I had a very close friend in my school level who is currently working as a doctor at (。say a place name。) and I would like to travel to his living place. I have a plan to visit (。say the place name。) whenever I will get holidays for 4-5 days. The friend has invited me to visit his place and in the mean time he has visited my place twice. So my turn to visit his place has become mandatory. As he is living in a rural area where hills, tea gardens are available, I am sure I will enjoy my visit there.

There are three options to visit the place: bus, train and airplane. For me the airplane would be bit expensive and I like traveling by train, so I will take the train to visit there.

I have few reasons to visit this particular place. First of all, this area is famous for its natural beauty and a good number of local and foreign tourists visit this place each year. I would be able to enjoy my stay and live close to nature during my stay there and that would be a goof refreshment for me. Second, I would enjoy my friends accompany there and as he has already visited my place twice, I feel kind of obliged to visit his living place. Another reason I would like to travel there is to stay away from the busy life and busy city for dew days.