雅思作文修改~

同学 我不晓得现在的雅思和我高中时候的雅思有没有什么变化但是喃你这篇文章不容易得高分哦 从第一段就看得出来了雅思的大作文都是这种 给你个话题喊你说你同意还是不同意注意！是do you agree or disagree哈 所以最好的做法就是在第一段明确的说出你是agree还是disagree然后再在后面的段落说to what extent 每段只能包括一个主题 并且开头都要用一个topic sentence来说明你这段主要说的是啥子最后总结一下，注意！总结这部分一定要再次强调agree还是disagree哈我上了雅思 但是最后没去考 不过给我们上雅思的外教给我的作文分数一直都是7分还有我给你说的这些是英语作文的通用格式不管你是考雅思托福还是公共英语专业英语 作文都要按这样写才得的倒高分下面就看下你的细节问题哈：maney？打错了 money吧companies and the government can both reach this standard,while the scientific research is not easy to be conducted.这句话不咋个好 我感觉有歧义caring nothing about the development of the country前面加个butFor instance,a beverage company will never try utmost to research nuclear,vice versa这例子举得不好 没有说服力 如果实在举不出来最好不要举 不然还会扣分还有很严重的一点，应该是on one hand,on the other hand哈 这种太明显了 会扣很多分的The paper manufacturers are good example.example是可数的 加s 主谓宾要一致了嘛Every day the waste from the factories is dumped into nearby rivers is one of the root causes of environmental pollution.这句话有语法错误哦 你要把前面的句改成从句或者分词结构That every day the waste from the factories is dumped into nearby rivers is one of the root causes of environmental pollution.或者Every day the waste from the factories dumped into nearby rivers is one of the root causes of environmental pollution.Due to the waste coming from private companies,companies should be responsible for cleaning the polluted rivers.due to 不能这家用哦 虽然它是表原因 但是你这个句子用它不好As the waste coming from private companies,they should be responsible for cleaning the polluted rivers.重复出现的东西最好用代词 特别是在同一个句子头 这样才符合英语的习惯以上仅供参考哈 分我就不打了 我前面不是就已经给你说了吗？按照那种通用格式写然后注意不要有语法错误就行了其实要求并不高的。

我写了一些雅思作文 但是不知道该给谁修改..我很迷茫

楼主要求作文需要达到多少？6?6.5?7？如果只要6的话我可以给你介绍下我的方法~~我考了3次雅思~~前两次没怎么练作文~~第一次作文5分~~第二次5.5~~后来自己总结了个方法~~练了几把~~~又考了一次作文6~~~

我的方法很简单不过也很费时间

首先要看~~看过30篇以上小作文和大作文的范文~~这是基础~~~

然后总结~~小作文分4种模式总结：趋势，比较，排位（就是最大，最小，中等），流程

总结的时候每种模式把各个类型的句子都从范文里挑2-3句，例如：

趋势的句子：the proportion saw a considerable growth in xxx（主题）to an all-time high of xx% in 2000, before declining strikingly to somewhere in the vicinity of xx% in 2001. This was followed by a remarkable fluctuation prior to 2005, with a high of xx% in 2003 and a low of xx% in 2004.

这个是我自己写的一个描述方式，感觉最少是个6分的句子吧应该~~就像这样把所有趋势，两者之间的比较，排位的描述性句子都挑几个不同的好的描述方式记下来~~

大作文就麻烦点~~如果只要6的话就总结出4个框架~~态度对立，态度不对立，描述优缺点，解释原因提措施

态度对立比如“假期是否应该旅游”，态度不对立比如“有些人说假期应该花在旅游上，有些人说应该花在学习上”

然后从范文里挑各种类型的好词好句子好材料记下来，比如说网络的缺点就记下“pornography”

总结完之后就是练~~先写10篇不掐时间的作文~~可以翻笔记的~~熟悉下记的词语句型怎么用~~然后开始掐时间写~~写完以后照着自己的笔记改~~一定要照着笔记改~~这样改几篇下来你笔记上的词就很熟悉了~~~哪些地方能用到笔记上的词、句子、材料就换换~~大概练个10来篇

只要语法别太低级~~只要能用上你笔记上的词或者句子~~再加个好框架~~6分肯定没问题了·~~

如果想冲7~~我觉得吧框架不能太生硬的套~~~语法基础必须棒~~不只是棒~~还要地道~~符合习惯~~再加上5 6个生词~~或者加两句地道的名人名言~~~另外论证的材料必须准确合适~~

以上只是一个英语偶尔能过6级的人的看法~~哈哈~水平不高~~不过通过3次不同分数的作文~~我对考官的评分标准还是有所了解·~哈哈·

修改雅思作文

你写作好勤快啊，这个比上次那个好点.不过字数还是不够啊，差50多，错别字呢有coutries theme thier theority opion.开头转述一下可以的，break就是休假的意思，不用加rest，你的观点是承认这些活动是有利的.论据的时候，我发现你可能是理解错了In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.在高中毕业到大学开学之前的这段时间，不是大学期间的实践活动.不过论据是比上次好的.结尾段，大学更需要好的自学和交际能力是不错，但是没有和论题联系起来啊，这个和打工，外出旅游怎么联系呢？如果你还会重写这篇，记住Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to this.你可以写，1.外出旅游.好处，拓展视野，增加见识，认识更多的朋友.坏处，会耗费经济.独自旅行会有一定危险性.2.打工，优点，挣钱，实际工作经验，如与专业相关，对大学学习有帮助，缺点，较低酬劳，辛苦.。

雅思作文怎么修改

额。。。。我被下面那个回答给深深的。。。雷动了。。。

淘宝给钱是一个方法啦。

但是我觉得最主要的是，学会写作的思考方法和句子结构以及用词的修正，自己先不断地改进是重要的，总结出自己的模板和思考方式。

首先，思考的方式你要看你的素材好不好，文章的结构是不是规范。恩，推荐很热门的写作书吧。。。《十天突破雅思写作》慎小嶷的。可以用里面的裸奔法想素材。至于模板的话不一定要用那个套话，但是哪一句写观点，哪一句写支持句，这个还是比较好的。

再者，语法和词句，在十天里面里面看语法的七宗罪，很多毛病是经常会犯的。而词句的话，真的要好好背背简单词的同义替换。把简单的意思用更正式的语言说出来。而且分析考官的范文也很有用呢。。包括结构和思维的严密性。

最后，你自己实在觉得改得差不多了。找一个partner是有效的方法，还可以一起练口语。但是前提是你们的时间都还比较充裕。。。。哎，我是不行了，我下个月要考第二次了。。。前一次才5.5

我的中介有考试辅导，有人帮我改作文。

你如果有上过雅思的课，应该可以请老师帮你改的。

恩。。。说完了。

这个真是我自己打的了，哈哈~~~给不给分随便你咯。

【雅思作文修改最好是考过雅思且写作7分以上的朋友``````

Shopping now is very popular among people.Both men and women（复数） tend to spend a large part of their free time on this activity instead of the traditional ones of the past.（什么是traditional ones of the past？最好有such as。

这样的说清楚，另外这个说法不地道，换成other traditional ways such as。怎么样？） As for this phenomenon,there are several reasons（下面说的都叫原因？改：points） which will be discussed below and in my opinion this development（换成trend趋势） is a positive one.（这句我想全换掉：there are several points related I would like to discuss below and personally I think this development is a positive one.）On one hand,nowadays,the globe（换成global） economy（换：economics，经济） develops（单数） day by day and the standard of peoples live（中式英语，换：peoples living quality生活质量） has reached a high level compared with any other times in history（用了compare with，却没有比较级？换：has reached a level higher than any other time in history）.The fact is that enormous（巨大的庞大的？换：numerous） people dont need（换：have） to be much struggled（换：直接用主动时态 to struggle） to get their stomach filled.So(So在这里停顿很唐突，不如As a result),the desire to enjoy the life is becoming intensely(more and more intensely，强调形象化过程).And obviously,shopping is a wonderful way to cater this demand since the majority of enjoyments in our lives depend on concrete things.For example,when we luckily find a thing (such as a dress) that we like so much and finally possess it successfully（成功的拥有，中式英语，换成finally are ble to possess it如何？），we will get quite satisfied（将来时在这里不必要，陈述的是一般事实，we get quite satisfied）.On the other hand,we all cannot deny that the（去掉the，非特指） shopping centers are really “well-equipped” for they do not only provide us with the merchandises they sold（换sell或者are selling） but places to rest and eat something(eat一个字就够了，与rest并列，加上somthing反而失去了行文节奏)，making them（指代不明，which makes these shopping centers） even more attractive.(on the other hand的内容比on one hand少的比较多，有点感觉敷衍，加点内容丰富一下？)As far as I can see,this development undeniable（形容词，还后置？你想表达不可避免的意思吗？this inevitable development） should be accepted and thought highly of.because（首字母大写） of the role as a the indication of the demand for better living standard it plays（建议定语后置，话说起来不累，because of the role it plays as an indication of。）

,which could be considered as the sample of societys development to some extent（如果此处再用which引导，那么这句话主干在哪里？换成：the trend of more shopping activities could be considered as。）.Whats more is that nearly all the people are acting as both the customer and the producer(the seller or the producer),so the good shopping situation could (also) benefit the business of（改：for） a lot of people.So（改In conclusion/In summary）,because of（改为：based on 基于） what I have mentioned above,the development of shopping is mainly a result of the development（换成that，因为前面已经有the development，指代一下就行） of (the)society in many spheres（换：aspects） such as economy（改：economics.economy的意思在这里不对，经济，省钱？） and since it is a（换an） indication of better living standard（用了多少次standard？换：quality） and living creed(what is living creed?),the trend must be positive as I think（如果你第一段最后一句用我改的，那么这里换成in my opionion,I think这样的话要少出现在议论文里，会削弱你的论调和语气.文章的意思和论调非常清楚，基本议论文结构也很清楚，语法上的细节问题要注意，有些中式英语要尽量避免Good job!。

高人请进：IELTS作文修改

呵呵 我28号刚考完，虽然我水平不怎么样，不过也写了几篇，都是按老师给的模板写的，感觉你的分段有问题，雅思考试写作一般都是分4-5短的，反正剑桥后面的高分范文一般都是这么分的，第一段：背景、双方或一方观点、我的观点第二-三/四段是主题段：每段写支持你观点的理由最后是结尾段：总结一下，重申你的观点，和理由，然后再写点别的像建议什么的你这篇好像是3G的预测吧- - 我正好没写，我写的是老师给预测的老人住养老院好还是家里好Many people point out that the old should be taken care at home.But towards the same issue,many others hold the view that old people should be placed in old peoples house.For my part,I absolutely agree with the latter point of view.There are numerous reasons why I hold this opinion and I would explore a few of the most significant ones here.One very strong argument is that the old people have similar hobby,so that they have same topic to chat together.In addition,they could make friends with each other through this way.On the contrary,if they have no friends together,they feel lonely.So they will catch some other questions such as bad emotions and diseases of mind.Another reason why I perfer the argument is that there are professional nurses and various medical facilities in retirement home.If elderly people have some chronic illness they could be treated promptly.Quite the contrary,if they stay at home alone,they will face risks.In other words,its very dangerous for the old to stay at home by themselves.Finally,the incomparable advantage of this view is that old people should be placed in nursing home could relieve their childrens burden.Nowadays people face fierce competition and suffer great pressure in modern society.They must spend more time in their career.Therefore,they can not spare time with their parents.based on the above discussion,I think that the correct attitude is that old people should be placed in old peoples house.Firstly,the common generational people have similar interest.Secondly,in retirement home there are many advanced medical facilities.Whats more,if the old live in nursing home,their childrens burden will be relieved.这篇是我朋友帮我写的，我课程结束的时候老师给免费批改一篇文章，好像给打了6.5，希望能对你有帮助，希望你一次考够分，别像我还要再考一次- - 继续去背机经了 good luck!。

评估下雅思作文能拿几分？能提供修改意见可加分题目是：Increa - 爱

建议。

第一段。都是用了很滥用的套路。

近年来。

。热点。

在我给出我的观点之前我试图从两方面来论述之类的。（废话。

没有信息量） 第2-3段出了滥用没有含金量的低级俗气的套句外，还有非常多的语法错误。逻辑很混乱。

（请别生气，我就是说我的个人看法） 举例说明‘It is evident that some people will choose other energy source if increasing the price of fuel; therefore, the air pollution will reduce. if引导的句子是从句。而从句必须有主谓宾。

可是你看看你的if 后面有句子吗？if increasing the price of fuel； 再者，the air pollution will reduce. 这里必须用被动语态。airpollutionwillbereduced.因为是carsorpeoplewillreduceairpollution.反过来就是被动了。

想要高分快看看我空间 看看我空间日志还有照片。