批改作文 剑七 test2 task2

"基本完成了任务，5.5分 具体点评如下：点评1 Nowadays,a hot and important contraversy /controversy concerning the problem whether the punishments for each type of crimes should be fixed.全句没有谓语，而且whether 后面也不是句子。

这种错误一定要避免。可以在important后面加 is. Whether 后面可改成：whether punishments for each type of crime should be fixed 2 Some people contend that the consistent punishments seems to be fairer and more clearly/clear.while a large amount proporation/去掉 of people advocate that it depends on individual situation.I will present and analyde both views here.取其把题目几乎不做改动的抄一遍，可以选择其他的开篇方式，people have various opinions concerning whether punishments for each type of crime should be fixed. As for me， + 观点3 The first plain truth I want to emphasize here is that every crimes/crime has its own reasons and results/不相关，去掉，it can not be divided/judged simplity/simply from one aspect. So that the decision which considered/consider different circumstance turns to be positive reasonable. 论证有些浅，可以深度解释，也可举例，否则就成了喊口考了Furthermore, with the complicate motivation and action, there has/is not a boundry/boundary line/去掉 between two similar commitment in current days. The flexible punishment system will not fail to be one good way to show the society that the government care about them, and thus ,the general public are able to participate more in government policy determination/policy-making. Last but not least,the sdandadization of law has been improved rapidly in these years. Even two crimes lead to the same result, one's original intension to commite should be taking account /should be taken into account to replect/replace the regular law setup.4 Admittedly, fixed punishments have some merits. Under the fixed punishment system, the law enforcement officials have definite rules to follow. The crimes will make up some excuses for themselves to get/gain the jury's simpathy/sympathy , and escape from the judgment they due to/are due to receive. But with the developed law system, this problem can be solved efficiently. 跑题了这一段有一半是跑题的，要谈固定刑罚的理由，而不是如果避免法庭上不公平5 In conclusion,altough/although fixed punishment policy has deniable/undeniable advantages, I regard the flexible system as a better choice. It is the best way for us to get a clear perspevtive/perspective of what teh/the crimes got/what type of punishment law offenders should get relied on/according to their crimes what they have done/去掉.with such a perspective, we can own a more peaceful society."。

求高手点评雅思“小作文”（剑7 Test2 Task1 ）

感觉还不错啊~词语和句式较为多变，介词用得也准确，数据抓取得也合理。

表达年份时，可以有多种方式，除了直接写年份的数字，也可以说the year of 2004,the 2004 year等；表示“从图中看出”这个意思，还可以用from the graph,we can see。xxx is shown(illustated, outlined。

)from the tableit could be easily seen that 。多背几个，等你一想表达这个意思时，可以随时调用。

总结段一般还是必要的，加上会显得比较完整。写小作文可以写得很精彩，但是主要还是能把图描述准确，不要每句看起来都是一种结构，总之多背些句式是好的，到最后写起来会得心应手。

这个是剑桥7 test4 的小作文,请大家帮忙改一下,谢谢啦！！

The given pie charts illustrate unites of electricity production by fuel score (coal, oil, natural gas, hydro power and nuclear power) in Australia and France in 1980 and 2000.这里没能完全描述出图表的主要特征。

且首段过于简单，记住首段是面子，一定要写的漂亮。As can be seen from these charts, the units of electricity by different categories of fuel were various in two countries in the different years. Specifically, in 1980, approximately half of the electricity units were produced by coal ,which shared the same production with natural gas (only 25 units) in France. The electricity units/delete production by natural gas were 20 units in Australia. In terms of//用词不准确，和后面的半句意义一样，整句就是重复累赘，production by oil and hydro power , the units of electricity produced by hydro power were 20 units, which were four times /加greater/ than those in France, however, only 10 units of electricity were made/generated by oil in Australia, which were half of those in France. To our surprise , nuclear power made 15 units of electricity in France and none of any/the others contributed /as much to the electricity/power supply in France.In 2002, the majority of//不能这样用 electricity was produce/d by coal ( 130 units) in Australia, which still made the same quantity /units/删掉 （25 units） in France. Clearly, the dominant production of electricity was by nuclear power in France with the amount of 126 units. Natural gas and oil produced very little//口语化，书面语少用very// electricity (only 2 units) in Australia. The France had the/a similar quantity by natural gas and hydro power.Overall, these figures lead us to /the/ conclusion that coal is the major source to produce electricity in Australia while nuclear power played a significant role in production of electricity in France.我一直不知道小作文要怎么才能进步，每次都会超时，用大概25分钟才能写完，而且字数都超很多（超过200）。

请各位指导一下我，该怎么在不到一个月的时间内提高小作文。如何避免在把信息点都描述清楚后字数不会超。

万分感谢！！估计你小作文超时的原因有二，第一，不是很熟悉图表作文的套话，或者说写作模板准备不够，第二，对小作文的要求理解不到位，当然也有可能是你对如何抓住图表的main features的技巧掌握的还不娴熟。这也就导致你时间花的过多，且写出来的东西就像我们的伟大祖国一样，大而漏洞百出问题多多。

小作文就是要求短小精悍，150词能解决就不需要200或更多。多了反而更容易出错，所谓言多必失。

针对这样的问题，你可以首先多看些小作文的范文，掌握一些通用的结构和规律，在练习中提炼你自己的常用句型和模板，考试时能做到提笔就写拿来就用。再就是小作文要求得很清楚，抓住图表的主要特征进行描述就好，无需太过在意次要细节。

每个图表或者数据都是在讲一个问题，你要看出这个问题就好了，不需要面面俱到的。这篇文章你去对照一下后面的范文就知道其实要拿高分，完全不需要描述所有的信息点。

这个文章抓住电力增长很快，同时澳洲主要靠煤，法国主要靠核能这两个点就好了。如果你不确定是不是看图分析能力还不够的话，你可以先用中文写写小作文，或者把自己的小作文翻译成中文，然后给你的父母同学朋友看看，让他们评价一下你的文章在抛开语言的前提下是否完成了描述图表主要特征的任务。

如果没有，那你首先要考虑提高看图能力。相信在你理解了小作文的得分点和技巧后，会很快上手的。

还是那句话，雅思一点都不可怕，加油。

剑桥4 test1 writing task1 帮忙改错 谢谢

The table illustrates the percentage of different types of impoverished household in Australia in 1999. According to the information given in the table,we can find that up to 21% of family（改families） with sole parents,taking（改took） the first place.Family（改families） which consist（改consisted） of single and no children saw 19%,filling the second position.It is noticeable that the proportion of people from （改a） household which is（改was） made up of （改a） couple with children(12%) was 2 times as many as family（改families） with （改a） single aged person(6%).Aged people were generally less likely to be poor,due to the fact that aged couple family（改families） living in poverty account（改accounted） for only 4%.And the percentage of individuals from family（改families） with （改a） couple had（改having） no children occupy（改occupied） 7% in Australia in 1999. Overall,it is obvious that people from family（改families） with children is（改are） more likely to living（改live） in poverty。

.。

【关于剑7作文的参考价值本人11月将烤鸭,最近主要看写作.都说剑

我建议你不要一上来就看剑7··毕竟这书刚出来··又只有四篇TASK··要好好利用这宝贵的最新真题首先我觉得LZ应该去买本稍便宜的剑4来做或者更便宜的剑1··虽然题目老，但毕竟是曾经的真题··做完这些老题至少就对雅思考题有个初步印象了··然后再来做剑7既然是真题，那么一定要按雅思正式考试的时间标准来做，就拿写作来说一定先自己一小时内把真题大小作文都写完，然后趁自己的思维还热乎赶紧看后面的范文，看看考官的范文到底好在哪里，跟自己的文章思路做下对比，揣摩下考官为什么要这样写，这样的行文思路有什么好处，自己以后能不能这样写.这是思路.然后看考官的用词，你会发现所有剑系列的范文用词都很简单，偶尔一个大词那也要仔细研究·然后掌握（其实这样的词很少），关键是要掌握考官用词的准确度，这个才是精髓，时间长了你会发现其实有时候考官是在刻意用简单的词汇，但妙就妙在简单的词汇被用的恰到好处，这个是最需要学习的最后是句型，我想这是整篇范文最出彩的地方，拿自己的文章跟范文比，真的会觉得自己句型的幼稚，范文都是精挑细选出来的，好多句型都太巧妙了，最精炼简洁的句子表达出最完整准确的意思，这是一个好句型的标准，然而范文毕竟很少，我们要做的就是用这些范文来激发我们的思维，举一反三，自己沿着范文的思路来创造自己的文字.其实不管你要考多少分，实在的讲剑系列这套书就足够了，能把这套书消化好，多少分都没有问题。

雅思大作文task 2~~~跪求估分+建议~~ 剑7test2中关于犯罪惩罚标准的

Some people asert that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime.asert拼写错误，assertI could give some reasons for it. 这句话是废话，字数够的话就删掉吧if someone feels his/her rights are invaded, there is a long way to go.这句话不妨换用虚拟语气。

Secondly, this regulation may contribute to the low crime rate. secondly太死板了 换成in addition what is more furthermore等One possibly submitting a crime in the past would now be alerted by the fixed punishment.would now be?Firstly, circumstance can effect one's behaviour to a certain degree.建议改成First and foremost, circumstance, to some extent, can effect(impact) one's behaviours(manner)总体来说写的挺好的，如果lz想出国可以直接去考一次雅思了。建议第三段扩写一些，不要使理由段长短对比那么强烈，再加强一下句子间的衔接和长短句结合。

不足之处请多指出~谢谢~。

请高手批改雅思作文！ 题目：task1,test3,剑桥5

应该说语言的应用应该算是成功的。

但文章的解题思路有些乱，这也是流程图的大忌。此图应从S1和S2周边的基础设施分类来分析，不用特别涉及到哪个具体城镇来，否则就会失去整体感。

因为凌乱。所以本文是5.5 分The map illustrates the two possible locations for a new planned supermarket(S) for the town of Garlson whose population is 65,000.It can be seen clearly from the map that the Garlson town is made up of four parts. In the middle is the town centre,surrounded by the housing part at each the north and south side of which is an industrial part./这句话很混乱，可以调整为：situated in the middle, the town center is surrounded by an industrial part in both north and south side.All of the above three parts are surroundede by the countryside as a whole.Both the two possible sites for the new supermarket,S1 and S2,have a railway nearby.The difference of the two locations are as follows.S2 is in the town centre and it has access to three main roads to three places(Hindon,Bransdon and Cransdon) with a total population of 54,000.However,S1 located in the countrside with only one main road available to Hindon(population,10,000).It is easy to draw a conclusion from the map that, in comparison with S1,S2 is relatively better in terms of transportation available and the number of people the new supermarket may serve.。