雅思作文批改 剑四test4小作文 （高分求修改）

line graph -- curve graph/diagram

represents（代表，是有象征性的） -- shows/demonstrates

accompanying 去掉

some popular countries UK residents visit at the same time

during the years of 1979 and 1986 -- from 。 to 。

increased slightly from 10 millions to about 13 millions during 。

by UK residents 去掉

as people who traveled to England -- while/and

gradually -- steadily

from 12 millions to 20 millions at the same time -- 去掉at the same time：前面已经有Meanwhile

UK residents visited abroad -- visiting

which is peaking at -- peak at

who were coming to travel -- coming to travel

30 millions -- 30 million

until 1999 -- in ;or you can say: rose from 13 million until 1999(approximately 30 millions).

When study --studying/looking into/analysing

visited by UK residents 1999 -- 尽量不用被动

some European countries of France -- such as/like/eg。

of American and Turkey -- like

France by far the most popular -- is

choose to travel -- choose to travel in/choose/go to

comes the second country for UK residents to visit -- comes the second; " for UK residents to visit "删掉

which is little less -- a little

than that for France -- than those going to France

Somewhat surprising -- Somewhat surprisingly

traveled -- ing

recorded here as relatively low in the same chart -- are 。 the lowest。 in the chart

they are -- namely/that is/viz

这个是剑桥7 test4 的小作文,请大家帮忙改一下,谢谢啦！！

The given pie charts illustrate unites of electricity production by fuel score (coal, oil, natural gas, hydro power and nuclear power) in Australia and France in 1980 and 2000.这里没能完全描述出图表的主要特征。

且首段过于简单，记住首段是面子，一定要写的漂亮。As can be seen from these charts, the units of electricity by different categories of fuel were various in two countries in the different years. Specifically, in 1980, approximately half of the electricity units were produced by coal ,which shared the same production with natural gas (only 25 units) in France. The electricity units/delete production by natural gas were 20 units in Australia. In terms of//用词不准确，和后面的半句意义一样，整句就是重复累赘，production by oil and hydro power , the units of electricity produced by hydro power were 20 units, which were four times /加greater/ than those in France, however, only 10 units of electricity were made/generated by oil in Australia, which were half of those in France. To our surprise , nuclear power made 15 units of electricity in France and none of any/the others contributed /as much to the electricity/power supply in France.In 2002, the majority of//不能这样用 electricity was produce/d by coal ( 130 units) in Australia, which still made the same quantity /units/删掉 （25 units） in France. Clearly, the dominant production of electricity was by nuclear power in France with the amount of 126 units. Natural gas and oil produced very little//口语化，书面语少用very// electricity (only 2 units) in Australia. The France had the/a similar quantity by natural gas and hydro power.Overall, these figures lead us to /the/ conclusion that coal is the major source to produce electricity in Australia while nuclear power played a significant role in production of electricity in France.我一直不知道小作文要怎么才能进步，每次都会超时，用大概25分钟才能写完，而且字数都超很多（超过200）。

请各位指导一下我，该怎么在不到一个月的时间内提高小作文。如何避免在把信息点都描述清楚后字数不会超。

万分感谢！！估计你小作文超时的原因有二，第一，不是很熟悉图表作文的套话，或者说写作模板准备不够，第二，对小作文的要求理解不到位，当然也有可能是你对如何抓住图表的main features的技巧掌握的还不娴熟。这也就导致你时间花的过多，且写出来的东西就像我们的伟大祖国一样，大而漏洞百出问题多多。

小作文就是要求短小精悍，150词能解决就不需要200或更多。多了反而更容易出错，所谓言多必失。

针对这样的问题，你可以首先多看些小作文的范文，掌握一些通用的结构和规律，在练习中提炼你自己的常用句型和模板，考试时能做到提笔就写拿来就用。再就是小作文要求得很清楚，抓住图表的主要特征进行描述就好，无需太过在意次要细节。

每个图表或者数据都是在讲一个问题，你要看出这个问题就好了，不需要面面俱到的。这篇文章你去对照一下后面的范文就知道其实要拿高分，完全不需要描述所有的信息点。

这个文章抓住电力增长很快，同时澳洲主要靠煤，法国主要靠核能这两个点就好了。如果你不确定是不是看图分析能力还不够的话，你可以先用中文写写小作文，或者把自己的小作文翻译成中文，然后给你的父母同学朋友看看，让他们评价一下你的文章在抛开语言的前提下是否完成了描述图表主要特征的任务。

如果没有，那你首先要考虑提高看图能力。相信在你理解了小作文的得分点和技巧后，会很快上手的。

还是那句话，雅思一点都不可怕，加油。

剑桥雅思9里面的test4大作文,就是说现在很多语言在消失,有些人认

雅思作文任务完成度只占四分之一的成绩，而且一般而言你写啥观点都行，只要你能说通。所以正反都行，我习惯是写冷观点，和别人不一样，容易上分。不过具体看个人

我把我写作思路搬上来吧，你借鉴下

先说many people think this tendency will undermine the diversity of language seriously,yet I would state my objection to this issue after analyzing the following reasons.

第一段写the preservation of these rare language will waste plenty of funds which should be used in many other fields contributing to society.

然后写the disappearance of these language will remarkably benifit our daily communication.

第三段我喜欢先列反方观点然后反驳，some people may say the diversity of language is a sigificant part of our culture,however,the importance of it is especially exaggerated.

雅思写作主要还是语法单词架构，观点不能说不重要，但不必看的太重，真想不出来可以用网上的万能观点，联系经济社会教育等常见话题展开

雅思小作文开荒中,写了一篇,是剑桥4test4写作1 ,求指点,最好能

比较的线形图之间的年人口外国游客在英国和本土定居点上旅行，从1990年到1999年，加上一个柱状图具体刻画这些居民的分配在一个几个范围的国家于1999年。

首先，考虑到这两个几十年的发展，外出旅游人数的居民总是大，输出的输入的高速增长，外来的游客。尽管门槛，这些移民与当地山水乡情略多于外国人（12版本1000万年），前者更最终在接下来的七年山。

因此，从1982年开始，尽管有点推广海外的到来，国内的趋势大幅飙升，导致土著居民离开，直到1999年，有近似的两倍（5300万）为游客游客（2700万年）结束。 此外，从英国旅游者最喜欢的国家，它在1999年占法国，1000万年被授予“比例最高，其次是西班牙的流行，不到1000万人。

其余的都是美国（450万），希腊和土耳其（400万）（350万），分别作为一个整体，其人口仅相当于法国是特殊的。综上所述，英国的痕迹当地人出国，它们频繁地保持较高的增长速度比外来游客无与伦比。

另外，在英国旅游者选择的观点，大部分的法国风格。

请帮忙批改雅思小作文,谢谢 能得几分,剑桥4 test4的小作文

Through observe first line chart 中式英语 From the first line chart 也比你这个好

they both steady grew from 12 millions to 20 millions 语法错误

smoothly grew

the UK people like to visit French and Spain very much. 老外不喜欢这样的语法 ，definitly prefer to visit

Obviously the British prefer visited to France than any other country

语法错误 prefer France than any

得分应该可以5.5 ，因为你用了不少插入语，句式还不错，否则只有5分了

剑桥雅思全真试题4 第一篇小作文范文

The table gives a breakdown of the different types of family who were living in poverty in Australia in 1999.

On average, 11% of all households, comprising almost two million people, were in this position. However, those consisting of only one parent or a single adult had almost double this proportion of poor people, with 21% and 19% respectively.

Couples generally tended to be better off, with lower poverty levels for couples without children (7%) than those with children (12%). It is noticeable that for both types of household with children, a higher than average proportion were living in poverty at this time.

older people were generally less likely to be poor, though once again the trend favoured elderly couples (only 4%) rather than single elderly people (6%).

Overall the table suggests that households of single asults and those with children were more likely to be living in poverty than those consisting of couples.

T0T是不是这个，，累死我了

哪位大牛帮我批改下雅思 大概多少分 ,剑5 text4 的小作文 谢谢 本人高

你这篇应该是6分。

开头第一段，不要特地把line chart,bar chart写出来。显得有点啰嗦，而且我们主要看你是否能把图表信息描述清楚，至于是啥图，并不关心。第二句话，很有问题。我想这应该用the most popular travel destinations 而不是famous。。

第二段： 不要老用visitors，换成tourists或者travelers都行。both arrived at around 10 millions respectively. 这里，怎么既用both又用respectively，那么到底是都还是分别呢？ a sharp growth UK visitors visited 5 most popular states were。。。 缺少the，改成the 5 most popular nations among UK tourists 要好点

最后一点，对你的内容选择上有点建议。既然给你2个可以比较的信息，你就得比较它们一下。用一些词比如 几倍多，更多等等。用的词有点简单了。语法没有太大的错误，基本过关。从句的量可以再多一点。所使用的逻辑衔接词，都挺不错。但是，在描述时间轴上的信息时，缺乏衔接。描述得也略微简单了点。总的来说，6分是一个比较合理的分。