1.求一篇幽默的英语演讲稿,不用太长~

Love Your Mother 爱你的母亲 Why are you crying, a young boy asked his Mom？ 你为什么哭？一个小男孩问他的妈妈. "Because I'm a woman," she told him. 因为我是女人，她告诉他. "I don't understand," he said. 我不明白.他回答 His Mom just hugged him and said, "And you never will, but that's O.K."。

. 妈妈拥抱了他说，"你永远也不会明白，但没关系。

" Later the little boy asked his father, "Why does Mom seem to cry for no reason？". 后来小男孩问他的父亲"妈妈为什么似乎在无缘无故的哭泣？" "All women cry for no reason," was all his Dad could say。

"所有的女人都会常常没有原因地哭泣"，这是他的父亲唯一可以解释的。 The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry. 等到小男孩长大，成了男人的时候， 他仍然奇怪妈妈为什么哭. Finally he put in a call to God and when God got back to him, he asked "God, why do women cry so easily？" 最后他把这件事祷告给上帝，他问"上帝，为什么女人容易哭泣？" GOD answered。

上帝回答： "When I made woman, I decided she had to be special. I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet, made her arms gentle enough to give comfort。

"当我创造女人的时候， 我决定把她造的很特别， 我让她的双肩强壮的足以能够承担整个世界，但是， 却让她的双臂温柔的足够去安慰他人。 I gave her the inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times will come even from her own children. 我给她内在的力量去忍受生产的剧痛， 也让她有勇气承受无数的伤害， 甚至这些伤害有时会来自于自己的孩子。

I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going and take care of her family and friends, even when everyone else gives up, through sickness and fatigue without complaining。. 我给她顽强，让她能够不断地前进， 并且照顾自己的家人和朋友， 甚至当每个人都放弃的时候， 她却能够坚强地在疾病和劳累之时毫无怨言。

I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances. Even when her child has hurt her badly。. She has the very special power to make a child's boo-boo feel better and to quell a teenager's anxieties and fears。

. 我给她内心的敏感，让她在任何环境下都深爱着自己的孩子.甚至在他们深深伤害她的时候。 她用那特别的力量，让年幼孩子的在受伤的时候感到安慰，也能够让年轻的子女消除紧张与恐惧。

I gave her strength to care for her husband, despite faults and I fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart。. 我给她力量关心她的丈夫，尽管他会犯错.我用男人的肋骨创造了女人，使女人可以保护男人的心脏。

I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly。. 我给她智慧，让她知道一个好丈夫永远不会伤害他的妻子，但有时候会试炼她坚定的永远跟随自己丈夫的能力与决心. For all of this hard work, I also gave her a tear to shed. It is hers to use whenever needed and it is her only weakness。

. When you see her cry, tell her how much you love her, and all she does for everyone, and even though she may still cry, you will have made her heart feel good. 因为这些种种的困难， 我也同样赐她流下眼泪， 这是当她在需要时可以使用的， 这是她唯一的软弱之处。 当你看到她哭泣的时候， 告诉她你有多么地爱她， 告诉她她为所有人所做的一切， 即使这样她可能还是会哭泣， 但你会使她的心里得到安慰. She is special! Please send this to women you know, and those with mothers, sisters, and special women in their lives. 她是独特的！ 请把这个信息传递给你认识的女人， 有母亲，姐妹和特别的女性在他们生命里的人. But, also send this to men so they will understand about what a wonderful thing a woman is. Each day is a mountain that must be climbed; with courage each step gets easier. 但是，也把这个信息传递给男人，因此他们会明白女人是多么奇妙的被造物. 每一天，生活中都会有必须爬的山，但是勇气会使每一步都更轻松. Love your Mother Always 永远爱你的母亲， and keep her Smiling 并且使她微笑常在 全部人工翻译 献给我的母亲。

2.需要一篇不超过3分钟的英语演讲稿,要幽默有趣,中英对照

Ladies and Gentlemen, Good morning! I'm very glad to stand here and give you a short speech. Man's life is a process of growing up, actually I'm standing here is a growth. If a person's life must constituted by various choices, then I grow up along with these choices. once I hope I can study in a college in future, however that's passed, as you know I come here, now I wonder what the future holds for me. When I come to this school, I told to myself: this my near future, all starts here. Following I will learn to become a man, a integrated man, who has a fine body, can take on important task, has independent thought, an open mind, intensive thought, has the ability to judge right and wrong, has a perfect job. once my teacher said :” you are not sewing, you are stylist; never forget which you should lay out to people is your thought, not craft.” I will put my personality with my interest and ability into my study, during these process I will combine learning with doing. If I can achieve this “future”, I think that I really grow up. And I deeply believe kindred, good-fellowship and love will perfection and happy in the future. How to say future? Maybe it's a nice wish. Lets make up our minds, stick to it and surely well enjoy our life. 中文大意： 女士们，先生们，上午好。

我很高兴在这里为大家作一个简短的讲话。 人的一生是一个成长的过程，事实上，我现在站在这里也是一次成长。

如果一个人的一生必须面临不同的选择，那么我就是伴随着这些选择成长起来的。曾经我盼望将来能上大学，然而那已经过去了，现在我在这儿，只想知道我的未来会是什么样的。

当我来到这所学校，我告诉我自己：我不久的将来都从这里开始。接着我要学习如何做人，如何做一个正直的人，并且拥有一个健康的体魄，能承担重要的任务，能独立思考，思想开放，心思缜密，有判断是非的能力，有一份不错的工作。

我的老师曾经告诉我说：“你不是在修补而是在创造；永远不要忘记你向人们所展示的是你的思想，而不是你的手艺。”我会将我的性格，兴趣爱好和能力一起融入到学习中去。

在这过程中，我边学习边实践。如果我能实现这个“未来”，我就认为我真的成长了。

并且我深信我的亲人，好朋友以及爱会使我的未来更完美，更幸福。 如何来解释未来呢？ 也许那只是一个美好的愿望。

让我们下定决心，坚持到底，那我们的人生一定能过得很精彩。参考资料： 。

3.一篇英语演讲幽默小短文（三到五分钟的）,急

A Boy and His Tree A long time ago, there was a huge apple tree. A little boy loved to come and play around it every day. He climbed to the tree top, ate the apples, took a nap under the shadow… He loved the tree and the tree loved to play with him. Time went by…The little boy had grown up and he no longer played around the tree. One day, the boy came back to the tree and looked sad. “Come and play with me,” the tree asked the boy. “I am no longer a kid, I don't play around trees anymore.” The boy replied, “I want toys. I need money to buy them.” “Sorry, but I don't have money…but you can pick all my apples and sell them. So, you will have money.” The boy was so excited. He picked all the apples on the tree and left happily. The boy didn't come back after he picked the apples. The tree was sad. One day, the boy returned and the tree was so excited. “Come and play with me.” The tree said. “I don't have time to play. I have to work for my family. We need a house for shelter. Can you help me?” “Sorry, but I don't have a house. But you can cut off my branches to build your house.” So the boy cut all the branches of the tree and left happily. The tree was glad to see him happy but the boy didn't appear since then. The tree was again lonely and sad. One hot summer day, the boy returned and the tree was delighted. “Come and play with me!” the tree said. “I am sad and getting old. I want to go sailing to relax myself. Can you give me a boat?” “Use my trunk to build the boat. You can sail and be happy.” So the boy cut the tree trunk to make a boat. He went sailing and did not show up for a long time. Finally, the boy returned after he left for so many years. “Sorry, my boy. But I don't have anything for you anymore. No more apples for you.” the tree said. “ I don't have teeth to bite.” The boy replied. “ No more trunk for you to climb on.” “I am too old for that now.” the boy said. “I really want to give you something…the only thing left is my dying roots.” The tree said with tears. “I don't need much now, just a place to rest. I am tired after all these years.” The boy replied. “Good! Old tree roots are the best place to lean on and rest. Come here, please sit down with me and have a rest.” The boy sat down and the tree was glad and smiled with tears… This is a story of everyone. The tree is our parent. When we were young, we loved to play with Mom and Dad… When we grow up, we leave them, and only come to them when we need something or when we are in trouble. No matter what, parents will always be there and give everything they could to make you happy. You may think that the boy is cruel to the tree but that's how all of us are treating our parents. 很久以前有一棵苹果树。

一个小男孩每天都喜欢来到树旁玩耍。他爬到树顶，吃苹果，在树荫里打盹……他爱这棵树，树也爱和他一起玩。

随着时间的流逝，小男孩长大了。他不再到树旁玩耍了。

一天，男孩回到树旁，看起来很悲伤。“来和我玩吧！”树说。

“我不再是小孩了，我不会再到树下玩耍了。”男孩答到，“我想要玩具，我需要钱来买。”

“很遗憾，我没有钱……但是你可以采摘我的所有苹果拿去卖。这样你就有钱了。”

男孩很兴奋。他摘掉树上所有的苹果，然后高兴地离开了。

自从那以后男孩没有回来。树很伤心。

一天，男孩回来了，树非常兴奋。“来和我玩吧。”

树说。“我没有时间玩。

我得为我的家庭工作。我们需要一个房子来遮风挡雨，你能帮我吗？”很遗憾，我没有房子。

但是，你可以砍下我的树枝来建房。“因此，男孩砍下所有的树枝，高高兴兴地离开了。

看到他高兴，树也很高兴。但是，自从那时起男孩没再出现，树有孤独，伤心起来。

突然，在一个夏日，男孩回到树旁，树很高兴。“来和我玩吧！”树说。

“我很伤心，我开始老了。我想去航海放松自己。

你能不能给我一条船？” “用我的树干去造一条船，你就能航海了，你会高兴的。”于是，男孩砍倒树干去造船。

他航海去了，很长一段时间未露面。 许多年后男孩终于回来了。

“很遗憾，我的孩子，我再也没有任何东西可以给你了。没有苹果给你……”树说。

“我没有牙齿啃。” 男孩答到。

“没有树干供你爬。”“现在我老了，爬不上去了。”

男孩说。“我真的想把一切都给你……我唯一剩下的东西是快要死去的树墩。”

树含着眼泪说。“现在，我不需要什么东西，只需要一个地方来休息。

经过了这些年我太累了。”男孩答到。

“太好了！老树墩就是倚着休息的最好地方。过来，和我一起坐下休息吧。”

男孩坐下了，树很高兴，含泪而笑…… 这是一个发生在每一个人身上的故事。那棵树就像我们的父母。

我们小的时候，喜欢和爸爸妈妈玩……长大后，便离开他们，只有在我们需要父母亲，或是遇到了困难的时候，才会回去找他们。尽管如此，父母却。

4.求一篇5分钟左右 有趣的英语演讲稿

幽默演讲——调侃自己（中英对照） 演讲者如何调侃自己作为一个演讲者，我从观众那只得到过两种抱怨：一种是我讲话声音太大了，他们无法入睡；第二种是我讲得时间太长了，他们无法一直清醒。

As a speaker, I've only had two complaints from audiences. One, that I talk so loud they can't fall asleep. And two, that I talk so long they can't stay awake.创新句子：你们或者睡觉，或者不睡，只要不打呼噜，我就接着讲。作为一个讲演者，他的演讲总拿来和林肯的哥得堡演讲[一个著名的演讲]相比较。

当他演讲结束时，也有悲伤、眼泪和悲痛——特别是计划委员会。As a speaker, he has often been compared to Abraham Lincoln delivering the Gettysburg Address. When he finishes his speech, there is also sorrow, tears and mourning ---- especially by the program committee.幽默注释：演讲者讲得太糟糕了，组织者哭得很伤心。

演讲结束时，宴会主人感谢你从繁忙的日程中抽出时间来——你泰然自若，优雅地点头微笑着，心里非常清楚你日历上唯一的事情就是就早餐后喝点咖啡。Poise is when you finish your speech and the toastmaster thanks you for taking time out of your busy schedule to be a part of their program --- and you nod and smile graciously knowing full well that the only thing on your calendar is a little coffee from breakfast.幽默注释：一些老干部退休后没什么事干，有人请他参加一些活动，他还假装很忙，好象推开了很多事才赶去似的。

过去我演讲时常常会比较紧张，但那时我看到一条信息说如果你想象所有的观众都是裸体会有所帮助。此时此刻，我站在这里想象着观众都是裸体，真的起作用，我不再紧张了，但眼睛有些疲劳。

I used to get nervous when giving a speech but then I read that it helps to think of the entire audience as being naked. And so, at this very moment, I'm standing up here imagining every one in this audience as being naked. And it really works. I no suffer from nervousness. Eyestrain. Yes.幽默注释：把观众想象成裸体，意思是我不怕你们，就不紧张了。创新句子：大部分人站在讲台上都会有点儿紧张，我属于少部分人，我非常紧张。

我本人不自负——我简直不能告诉你们我是多么钦佩我这一点。Personally, I have never been conceited --- and I can't tell you how much I admire myself for that.幽默句子：他因为自己不自负，所以变得非常骄傲。

创新句子：我一点儿都不自负，我希望别人也这么看我。我先用简单明了的英语演讲，以后我再翻译给律师听。

Let me put this into plain English. I'll translate it for the lawyers later.幽默注释：律师总喜欢用复杂的语言，简单的话都听不懂了。创新句子：我的讲话有三个版本，小学生版本，中学生版本，大学生版本，你是听小学一年纪版的，还是小学二年纪版的？如果你听过这个故事，请不要打断我，我就知道这一个故事。

If you've already heard this story, please don't stop me because it's the only one I know.幽默注释：就是你知道两个故事，讲故事前也可以这么说。创新句子：我讲个笑话，如果你们听过，也希望装做没听过，我也这样照顾你们。

演讲就象给草坪浇水，如果有四分之一的水渗下去你就满意了。Making a speech is like watering a lawn. You're satisfied if just a quarter of it sinks in.幽默注释：有人打呼噜，有人说话，都是正常的，有四分之一观众听就不错了。

演讲开始时我们有一些共同点，你们不知道我要讲什么——我也不知道。At the very start, let me just say that we both have something in common. You don't know what I'm going to say --- and neither do I.幽默句子：即兴演讲的开场白。

创新句子：我不知道你们会不会喜欢我的演讲，我不知道我要讲点儿什么。开始前我想告诉你们下面的演讲已经编辑成了电视节目，我现在少讲20分钟，我们能够及时赶回家看2台的节目。

Before I begin, I want you to know that the following speech has been edited for television. I cut 20 minutes out of it so we could all get home in time for the game on channel 2.幽默注释：放着现场不看，偏要回家在电视上看。可能你们有些人知道我今晚出现在这里有两个原因：第一个原因是你们的计划委员会一直在设法寻找一个聪明、有趣、老练的演讲者，——他们找到了。

第二个原因是那个人病了，所以就打电话把我找来了。As some of you may know, I'm appearing here tonight for two very good reasons. The first reason is your Program Committee was trying to find a speaker who's intelligent, entertaining, sophisticated --- and they did. The second reason is, he got sick so they called me.幽默注释：一开始好象在说自己很牛，其实就是个临时替场。

创新句子：我认为我演讲很风趣，可为什么没人笑呢？有人有舞台恐惧症，我没有；舞台不会怎么样我，是观众快把我吓死了！Some people suffer from stage fright. I don't. The stage doesn't bother me at all. It's the audience that scares the hell out of me！幽默注释：stage fright舞台恐。

5.三分钟幽默演讲稿英语

三 Expensive Price Dentist: I'm sorry, madam, but I'll have to charge you twenty-five dollars for pulling your son's tooth. Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five dollars for an extraction. Dentist: I usually do. But your son yelled so loud, he scared four other patients out of the office. 昂贵的代价 牙科医生：对不起，夫人，为给您的儿子拔牙，我得收二十五美元。

母亲：二十五美元！可是我知道您拔一颗牙只要五美元呀？ 牙科医生：是的。但是您儿子这么大声地叫唤，他都吓跑四位病人了。

6.英语幽默的演讲稿

A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.

"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"

"She is the one who sells the candy."

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”

“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”

“她是个卖糖果的。”

7.求一篇有趣的中学生英语演讲稿,三分钟

What is success

There are somethings success is not.

It's not fame.

It's not money or power.

Success is waking up in the morning so excited about what you have to do that you literally fly out the door.

It's getting to work with people you love.

Success is connecting with the world and making people feel.

It's finding a way to bind together people who have nothing in common but a dream.

It's falling asleep at night knowing you did the best job you could.

Success is joy and freedom and friendship.

And success is love.

这篇感觉还不错里面有很多道理 我觉得可以做演讲稿 可惜少了点

下面一篇persistence也是一篇相当优秀的作文 句子很美

8.3分钟英语演讲,关于笑话的

Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day? Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go Slow". 汤姆的借口 老师：汤姆，您为什么每天上学迟到？ 汤姆：我每次路过拐角，一个路标上面写着："学校----慢行。

" DID YOUR DAD HELP YOU? One day, Tim's mathematics teacher looked at his homework and saw that he had got all his sums right. The teacher was very pleased-and rather surprised. He called Tim to his desk and said to him, "You got all your homework right this time, Tim. What happened? Did your father help you?" "No, sir. He was too busy last night, so I had to do it all myself," said Tim. 你爸爸帮你了吗？ 一天，蒂姆的数学老师看了他的作业，发现他全做对了。老师很高兴 ，同时也十分惊讶。

他把蒂姆叫到桌前说："蒂姆，你这次的作业全都 做对了，怎么回事？你爸爸帮你做了吗？" "不，先生，我爸爸昨天很忙，我不得不全由自己做了。" 英语幽默笑话Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!" and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)！" 汤姆对着吉姆骂道："我受不了你这个苯蛋了！" 吉姆说："你妈妈能！" 附：bear 有两重意思："生"和"忍受"这个笑话正是根据这点. Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!" and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)！" 汤姆对着吉姆骂道："我受不了你这个苯蛋了！" 吉姆说："你妈妈能！" 附：bear 有两重意思："生"和"忍受"这个笑话正是根据这点. 圣诞节英语笑话Peace and love for you at Christmas from all your students. 祝老师圣诞节充满平安和爱。

Wishing you a sparkling Christmas and bright happy New Year! May the season bring much pleasure to you. 愿你的圣诞光彩夺目，愿你的新年灿烂辉煌！佳节快乐！ Wishing you all the blessings of a beautiful Christmas season. 愿你拥有圣诞节所有美好的祝福。 Wishing you all the happiness of the holiday season. 祝节日幸福如意。

Hope all your Christmas dreams come true！ 愿你所有的圣诞梦想都成真！ 英语短笑话一：She Didn"t Say Anything A mother and son were washing dishes while the father and daughter were watching TV in the room. Suddenly, there was a crash of breaking dishes, then complete silence. The girl looked at her father and said, “It was Mom”。 “How do you know?” asked her father. “She didn"t sayanything.” 二：I Have Turned It Over A woman said to her husband, “dear, look at our sheet! It"s too dirty. Would you like to wash it now?” The man looked at the sheet and then thought for a while and then said, “I don"t think it"s necessary. We can turn the sheet over. Is that all right？” 英语四级笑话一妇女经常光顾一家古董店，但几乎从不买什么东西，却总是对商品和价格吹毛求疵。

对于那妇女的粗暴抱怨，经理和她的销售员总是应付了事，但是有一天她做得太过分了。“为什么你们店里总是不能得到我想要的东西？”那名妇女指责说。

职员脸上带着微笑，沉着地回答道：“也许是因为我们太有礼貌了。” A woman who frequented a small antique shop rarely purchase anything, but always found fault with the merchandise and prices. The manager and her salesclerk took the woman's grumpy complaints in stride, but one day she went too far. "Why is it I never manage to get what I ask for in your shop?" demanded the woman. U %o= +Gc ]h:,.KMu。

9.求一篇搞笑的英语演讲稿

Text（正文）：A Brother Like That A friend of mine named Paul received an automobile from his brother as a Christmas present. On Christmas Eve when Paul came out of his office, a street urchin was walking around the shiny new car, admiring it. "Is this your car, Mister?" he said. Paul nodded. "My brother gave it to me for Christmas." The boy was astounded. "You mean your brother gave it to you and it didn't cost you nothing? Boy, I wish . . ." He hesitated. Of course Paul knew what he was going to wish for. He was going to wish he had a brother like that. But what the lad said jarred Paul all the way down to his heels. "I wish," the boy went on, "That I could be a brother like that." Paul looked at the boy in astonishment, then impulsively he added, "Would you like to take a ride in my car?" "Oh yes, Id love that." After a short ride, the boy turned with his eyes aglow, said, "Mister, would you mind driving in front of my house?" Paul smiled a little. He thought he knew what the lad wanted. He wanted to show his neighbors that he could ride home in a big automobile. But Paul was wrong again. "Will you stop where those two steps are?" the boy asked. He ran up the steps. Then in a little while Paul heard him coming back, but he was not coming fast. He was carrying his little crippled brother. He sat him down on the bottom step, then sort of squeezed up against him and pointed to the car. "There she is, Buddy, just like I told you upstairs. His brother gave it to him for Christmas and it didn't cost him a cent. And some day Im gonna give you one just like it . . . then you can see for yourself all the pretty things in the Christmas windows that Ive been trying to tell you about." Paul got out and lifted the lad to the front seat of his car. The shining-eyed older brother climbed in beside him and the three of them began a memorable holiday ride. That Christmas Eve, Paul learned what Jesus meant when he said: "It is more blessed to give . . . " 内容： 哥哥的心愿 圣诞节时，保罗的哥哥送他一辆新车。

圣诞节当天，保罗离开办公室时，一个男孩绕着那辆闪闪发亮的新车，十分赞叹地问： "先生，这是你的车？" 保罗点点头："这是我哥哥送给我的圣诞节礼物。"男孩满脸惊讶，支支吾吾地说："你是说这是你哥送的礼物，没花你一分钱？天哪，我真希望也能……" 保罗当然知道男孩他真想希望什么。

他希望能有一个象那样的哥哥。但是小男孩接下来说的话却完全出乎了保罗的意料。

"我希望自己能成为送车给弟弟的哥哥。"男孩继续说。

保罗惊愕地看着那男孩，冲口而出地说："你要不要坐我的车去兜风？" "哦，当然好了，我太想坐了！" 车开了一小段路后，那孩子转过头来，眼睛闪闪发亮，对我说："先生，你能不能把车子开到我家门前？" 保罗微笑，他知道孩子想干什么。那男孩必定是要向邻居炫耀，让大家知道他坐了一部大轿车回家。

但是这次保罗又猜错了。"你能不能把车子停在那两个台阶前？"男孩要求道。

男孩跑上了阶梯，过了一会儿保罗听到他回来了，但动作似乎有些缓慢。原来把他跛脚的弟弟带出来了，将他安置在第一个台阶上，紧紧地抱着他，指着那辆新车。

只听那男孩告诉弟弟："你看，这就是我刚才在楼上对你说的那辆新车。这是保罗他哥哥送给他的哦！将来我也会送给你一辆像这样的车，到那时候你就能自己去看那些在圣诞节时，挂窗口上的漂亮饰品了，就象我告诉过你的那样。

" 保罗走下车子，把跛脚男孩抱到车子的前座。兴奋得满眼放光的哥哥也爬上车子，坐在弟弟的身旁。

就这样他们三人开始一次令人难忘的假日兜风。 那个圣诞夜，保罗才真正体会主耶稣所说的"施比受更有福"的道理。

10.英语幽默的演讲稿

Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.

At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."

它们是从美国直接带来的

一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。

An Alarm Clock

A young man went to a mountain village for his holiday. One night he stayed at a small hotel near a train station.

Before going to bed, he went to the owner of the hotel and said to the old man, “ Excuse me, sir. Will you please wake me up at a quarter to five? I'm going to take the five o'clock train tomorrow morning. ”

“ Oh, sorry, ” the owner said, “ I am afraid I can't. I don't get up that early. ”

The young man started to go back to his room when he stopped and asked, “ Do you have an alarm clock? That would help me. ”

“ Yes, here it is, young man. ”

The young man took the clock happily and thanked the old man. But when he looked at it carefully, there appeared to be something wrong with it.

“ Does it ring on time? ” he asked the old man.

“ Sure! Just shake it when it's time to get up, and it'll ring. ”

一只闹钟

一个年轻人到一个山村去度假。那天夜里，他住宿在火车站附近的一个旅馆里。

上床睡之前，他对旅馆老板——一个老头儿说：“对不起，先生，请问您能在五点差一刻叫醒我吗？我明天早晨要乘五点的火车。”

“哦，很抱歉”，旅馆老板说，“恐怕不行，我不可能起那么早。”

年轻人正想回到房间去，又停住了问：“那你有闹钟吗？或许它能帮助我。”

“我有，给你，年轻人。”

年轻人很高兴地拿了闹钟，谢了老头儿。但当他仔细查看了闹钟后，发现似乎有毛病。

“它能准时闹吗？”他问老头儿。

“那当然！时间一到，你摇一摇，他就会响的。”