帮忙修改雅思小作文,顺便请指点指点

我想说，楼上的评论不准确。

你的字数192，没超200就不算多，雅思考官的范文也有到这个字数的。其次，你的观点很有见地，而且表达很准确。

所以保守估计至少有7分。有小的语法错误，但不影响表达。

比如第一段， in the next 20 years，这句话有点冗长，建议拆两句，比较推荐用英式拼写（虽然无所谓，但考官都是英国的，他们看着别扭）你第三段next开头用的没有问题还有，非限制性定语从句用的有点多，就是你那个which，换个句型哈。注意一下你标点的使用，漏了几个逗号。

我很喜欢你的语言风格，很像考官的范文。还是在大作文上多下点功夫吧看好你，加油。

求帮忙改改雅思小作文,指点一下,麻烦详细点

最严重的问题，你task response这项可能会扣分，你人口年龄分类这块你没说明白。

图中明显地给你分了年龄段了，你别无视它啊。至少也得用一次，再在下文进行the elder之类的指代。

建议你在开头段说一下年龄分类，。 divided in three age groups,namingly 多少多少岁，交代清楚。

还有你小孩儿这一项千万别用kids，这表达不正式，你用children都比这强。建议用those who aged 多少到多少。

the 6-14 category，等等表达。elders和workforces也有点用滥了，注意替换。

我觉得不是situation，有点别扭，我觉得用picture好些吧，没大问题，个人习惯。还有一事，行文中别用below，因为你答题纸上下面没图，切记！俩国家是between those 2 countries你的比较方向和结构这大方向很对，描述很有动感，词汇使用上很大胆，继续保持另外，注意你的同义替换，别主观臆断，想什么写什么，根据图表来写。

总体来说没有你test 4那篇写的好，差不多6分吧，把错误改改很容易到7以上。

剑桥雅思6 写作 test2 第一篇小作文 书上只有一个6分的考生作文 求范

雅思写作参考书，我选哪本

在雅思考试当中最让人头疼的可能就是写作了，见过太多的从4.5到5.5挣扎很多次却依然距离6分很遥远的同学，惋惜之余，也在想什么原因导致了这些同学的悲催现状呢。

辅导资料我们并不缺，市面上各种写作指导不下30种。写作理论体系也不缺，什么单边式，双边式，让步式，不一而足。对于一个7分的文章应该是什 么样，大家也是各说各的。虽然有我们有统一的评分标准的指导，但是什么人的解读最有效呢？聪明的同学已经猜到了，当然是雅思考官。考官的标准才是我们唯一 需要遵循的标准。而考官的标准去哪里找呢？毫无疑问，答案在剑桥雅思真题的范文。

我们现在用的最多的复习资料就是剑桥雅思的真题。大作文写作有一个明显的特点，那就是虽然话题多样，提问形式多变，但是常考的话题也就那么几个，从剑桥4-到剑桥8，包括A类和G类文章在内，共有30个题目，基本涉及到了过半数的雅思写作话题了。对于小作文，常见的四种图形--线图，饼图，柱图，饼图--以及两种不常见的图形--地图和流程图--每一种类型在剑桥真题当中都有所涉及。

因而，同学们再准备写作的过程当中首先要做的就是要将剑桥真题当真的9分考官范文做到熟读成诵，熟悉其写作套路，思维模式和常见句型。这样，我们就会发现，其实很多市面上写作参考书里面的分段理论，开头结尾段的理论，甚至一些常见的句型和短语，如in terms of, with regard to等，都来自于官方范文。这样，如何锻造出一篇高分作文，对我们而言将不再是秘密。

新航道雅思：http://www.xhd.cn/

求雅思剑桥9的test1大作文范文的翻译

Children's education has long been our concern since Plato once uttered, "Education is where a country should start at." However, it is still a controversial issue after all these years among people who are particularly concerned about it. Some people believe that it is parents' responsibility to cultivate their kids to be fully aware of what a social being should look like; others, whereas, argue that schools should take over this for the ultimate goal. In this essay, I would put this issue in question and further analyse both sides before presenting my personal perspective. On one hand, parents, as the first touchers of their kids, should tell them how to differentiate right from wrong. Given the time parents spend with their kids, they can be more likely to observe everyday change of their children. As a result of this, they are accountable for how their children normally behave in reality. More importantly, considering the fact that people according to their social being are usually placed into diverse norms, parents, as a family, as a part of community and as individuals in the society, should appropriately behave in action so as to deliver a message to their kids in which what should be respected and cherished in lives is highly highlighted. On the other hand, academic institutions should take the responsibility for educating students to be entirely ready to enter the society. After leaving parents for schools, kids almost devote their most prime time at schools with their peels, their friends and their teachers; therefore, schools ought to put much emphasis on their growth as a person. Consequently, students could learn what they cannot acquire from home, such as communicative skills, understanding of various cultures etc.。

雅思小作文求批改+评论 内容：剑桥8 test 2

第一段changes -----varies

第二段spending---expenditure on this leaped by 10%, reaching the proportion of 50%

第四段There was a downward trend. It decreased from 28% in 1981 to 22% in 1991. Consequently, it descended to only 5% in 2001.最好连成一句吧 There was a downward trend, which subsided from 28% in 1981 to 22% in 1991, and consequently descended to merely 5% 10 years later

第五段experienced up and down---fluctuated,spending---expense

结尾 时态不大对。按你原来的可以改成 In a word, the most principal segment turned out to be the salaries of teachers, occupying approximately half of the overall expenditure. The fluctuation of spending on other issues, such as insurance and resources, could be witnessed as well.