1.批改托福作文

To begin with , preserving the past is important for the whole community for the old historic relics is part of the cultural heritage that gives the identity of the past and old life.Old homes and living quarters are also parts of the history ,and once destroyed and buried under thousands of tons to concrete and steel , they will be lost forever. For example ,The Great Wall is one of the most prominent historic relics that indicates the hard work of the our ancestors and also shows the brilliance and intelligence of our technology in the path of China's development. To we should spare no money and efforts to protect them and preserve them. Because the Great Wall is a part of our cultural heritage which draws paramount attention from all around the world.Further more, relics and history are most valuable for the scientific researches. As there is so much information which can be found in them, like many rare documents of the past and some codes which keep some vital records of the time gone by . In addition , we can acquire many statistics from the old buildings. We need to learn about the past life and culture through the extraordinary pasts buildings .Taking the pyramid as an emample, we can observe the marvelous scenes and works surprise all the people over the world. It is visited with great frequency and lots of researches are under way in search for scientific equations and logic reasons from the building.Finally, we should let more generations see the old buildings. How can they live in this changeable world without knowing what has happened in the past and how can they adapt to this colouful world without knowing how brilliant of our ancestors were? My point is that museums should be built to preserve the things of the past so that our children and theirs could learn from the past and have a brighter future .In a word ,I give my heartfelt aggrement to the assertion that preserving the past is an absolutely meaningful job which means every one in our community should admit the significance of this issue .你的英语应该还是不错的 但是英文议论文有几点要注意：1 议论文要客观，尽量避免we我们这样的词来表述观点 heartfelt来表达情感2 英语说话很直接 表到论点的句子一定直接 精炼 说白了就是短3 最后也是最难的 就是西方的 逻辑思维 有些论据用中文来理解很通顺，但在英文中没有直接逻辑关系 就是一句话翻来覆去说希望对你有所帮助。

2.请大家帮忙给托福作文评下分吧

personal rating: 5Your essay is indeed impressive, and although Iam not a professional rater, I can well say that your essay is not likely tofail you on exams(but be sure you can write another essay of the same qualityon the "big day").You are insightful and your words are sharp andcool. That's good, but a little bit control of sentiment will make your articlemore cogent and level-headed. For example, when you quote from teenagers whocan not survive without a smartphone, it would be more dispassionate (aahuh!you get me ! it is safer to be "detached" writing a TOFEL essay, butthings can be different in SAT of GRE) to rephrase the words in the form ofthird personal. Oh, another thing I almost forget, you can be better if using awell organized body structure--i'm not saying that your transitional sentencesare inferior, don't get me wrong; I'm just suggesting a way to make your essaypretty. Well, the structure will only make your essay literally beautiful,as an artical with a 100 words' introduction, three 12o words' supportingparagraphs and a 100 words' conclusin is proved to be of the golden propotion.That's it, buddy! You have alrealy done a remarkably amazing job. Just keepgoing, and if you have any questions feel free to look for me, I'm willing toread some other essays from you. Wish you good luck!。

3.呵呵,帮我看看这篇托福独立写作,评价一下

先看语法，首句就出现错误，末尾引导的同位语从句，that后面不用is。

这里that是引导词，不做成分。首段最后Although用法有误，其一般做连词，不做副词。

而且，你把although放后面，虽然能表达转折关系，但是总有画蛇添足之嫌。第二段，第二行 an easy life，属于小错。

第三行，省略号用在句中不妥，后面things。第四行开头，“feel enjoy”? enjoy是动词。

最后一句，there be句型啊，怎么用了get。第三段，首句出错，give it possible??? makes it possible. 第二行 most students才对。

第四行末尾， which cannot got？？情态动词后面跟原型，这句的话应改为 cannot get from books. 最后，really是副词，不能修饰名词。 最后一段，第二行Not only句缺主语。

最后一句去掉，多此一举。 看内容吧， 文章结构是选择一个观点一边倒， 中间段落写了两段，就是两个分论点，这是不够的，一般都是3个。

然后每个分论点里面只是论述，没有实际的例子来支撑，缺乏说服力，论述也过于繁琐，一句话正反说两遍。 综上，大体看了一下，你的英语基础一般，需要再补充基本的语法知识以及语感来把握长句和复合句；词组不够丰富，甚至一直出错；避免用中文的语序和写作习惯去写。

内容上，论点设立不够好，支撑的例子太少，需要多看材料积累。这篇独立写作篇幅明显偏少，如果要打分会给limited，运气好会给Fair，以同样的方式写综合写作的话，托福的作文总分不会超过23分。

希望继续努力，表达从基础抓起，论据从点滴积累。祝你成功。

4.托福写作批改点评 第30期：什么样的工作更适合你

Topic（题目）：Do you agree or disagree with the followingstatement? It is better to take a secure job witha low pay than to take a job with a high pay butis easy to lose.Target text（文章正文）：In this day and age, people seem to be eager toseek a job to support themselves in response to[the] increasing unemployment rate. It's notuncommon that they may choose to compromise [用词不错] with tough situation, settlingdown in a stable position with a low pay such as a shop assisstant [拼写错误] rather than ahighly paid but more risky one. Personally, I really don't see anything wrong with these peoplewho choose to be pracical. [拼写错误]To start with, when it comes to seeking jobs, security should be put in the first place. [主题写的很精练，表达也很清晰]As individuals, financial independent is one of fundamental aims inour lives. People who choose to take a secure job with low salary can at least meet his dailyneed regularly instead of fearing what if he gets fired tomorrow. On the contrary, a man whoearns top salaries but loses it frequently will suffer a life filled with unpredictable troubles. Their credit is also less trustworth [trustworthy] than those who are financially stablebecause they are more likely to sink in debt. [论据展开很简洁，说服力也较强，不错]Further, to certain extent, taking a risky but highly paid job may be more harmful forone's health than a more secure one due to intensive working pace and severe pressure. Asseveral scientific research reveals, people undertaking more competitive tasks tend to sufferdiseases result [-ing] from heavy pressure. In contrast, those who are willing to be regularlypaid are more likely to maintain their health. [这个观点很好]Last but not least, a stable position with a lower pay can't prevent a really ambitiousman from making his own fortune. For instance, a fresh man at his 20s may lack experienceand luck, which forces him to take a [改为an] inferior job. Nevertheless, it is still hopeful forhim to grasp other necessary skills in spare time and obtain working experience. once newoppportunities [拼写错误] show up, he surely would make his way to it and achieve his goal. Infact, holding on to one's dream even if in case of adversity plays a critical role in one'ssuccess. what [句首大写] really counts is to bear in mind that opportunites prefer to [to去掉]those who are preparing for them.In summary, seeking jobs needs comprehensive consideration, which includes thinkingabout security first, issue of working pressure and long-term occupational planning. Sometimes it is still a wise choice to take a secure position with lower payment as long as thedecision is made via practical consideration.。

5.托福写作点评：讨论麻烦事是打电话还是发短信

In our daily life, we all meet some upsetting or controversial problems with others. What is upsetting problem? It means it's complex and cannot be solved immediately. What is controversial problem? There must be at least two different views to this, and it's difficult to persuade the other view-supporters in one word. While some may choose to send a text messaging or e-mail, I prefer to use telephone or voice-messaging to discuss these kind of problem.Voice-messaging is more efficient than text-messaging. I think no matter the young or the old, the speed to speak is high than to type on phone or computer. So within same time, voice-messaging can transit more information than text- messaging, which means a lot in the discussion of upsetting problem. When I was a freshman in university, I had trouble in how to apply for the Student Union. Then I sent a text message to the senior for help. However, she just asked me whether I was convenient to answer the phone. After my yes, she called back and told me the complicated process in ten minutes. The contents she included are really not simple and might take her half hour if she typed them. Time is money, in another word, time is so valuable that we should not ignore any way to save time.The ambiguity caused by text message can be reduced by voice. The wording is likely to lead to ambiguity, which may have two different even opposite understandings. But if you choose to call or send voice message, the intonation and voice can make it clear. Put the word yes as an example. When you send me the text yes, I will think that I convince you to agree with my view. Actually, that is pure sarcasm and you do not believe that at all. Instead, if you say it, I would not be so stupid that can't distinguish the yes is a real agreement or sarcasm. In this aspect, voice-messaging is better. Although, you may say it's easy to quarrel with each other when the problem is pretty controversial by telephone, while the text message would not. Using the e-mail or text messaging means that you can modify your words for many times and control your emotion, which does help to avoid conflict. On the contrary, it also means I cannot get the respond directly. I send an e-mail to you, and one day after you notice it, then send back, the next time I respond to this problem may be a week later. How could we be so inefficient when the problem is upsetting or controversial?If you ask me which way would you use to discuss a book or a movie, I will answer you that using the e-mail or text messaging is better. But now the problems are upsetting or controversial. So I still choose to use telephone or voice-messaging to express myself.习作点评In our daily life, we all meet some upsetting or controversial problemswith others. What is (an) upsetting problem? It means it's complex and cannot be solved immediately. What is (a) controversial problem? There must be at least two different views to this， （关于。

的看法一般用 view on sth. 或 about sth.）and it's difficult to persuade the other view-supporters in one word. While some may choose to send a text messaging or e-mail, I prefer to use telephone or voice-messaging to discuss these kind of problem.（单复数问题：改为 kinds of problems）第一段作者提出了观点：讨论有争议的或令人烦恼的问题时，作者更倾向于选择电话或发语音信息。

作者根据自己的理解解释了upsetting problem 和 controversial problem 的意思，在下文的论证过程中尤其在举例子说明时，要依据此处给出的定义自圆其说，否则这两句话会无意义。Voice-messaging is more efficient than text-messaging.（提出第一个理由） I think no matter the young or the old, the speed to speak（“做某事的速度”常用的表达是 the speed of doing sth.，此处改为 of speaking 较好）is high （此处是比较，要用比较级：higher）than to type（这句话表达得是“说话的速度比打字的速度快”，打字的速度，the speed 可以用 that 来代替，此处要改为：that of typing） on phone or computer. So within same time，（此处作者要表达的是“在同一时间段内”，within the same time 语义表达不准确容易引起误解，可改为：within the same time period） voice-messaging can transit more information than text-messaging, which means a lot in the discussion of upsetting problem (problems).（作者给出分析性论据） When I was a freshman in university, I had trouble in how to apply for （词组 have trouble in doing sth. 为习惯用法，不跟不定式的复合结构，可改为 applying for） the Student Union. Then I sent a text message to the senior for help. However, she just asked me whether I was convenient (convenient 的主语不能是人，如果表示某人做某事方便，一般用 it's convenient for sb. to do sth. 此。