求大神改一改我的雅思作文,剑桥7t1的小作文

This table illustrates the [data](normally we say illustrate the changes or the situation, or show you the data )of consumers spending on various items in [the following five countries, ](omit them!)Ireland, Italy,Spain, Sweden and Turkey in 2002.According to the table, its obvious that Irelandand and(!)Turkey spent(Id rather use account for) the [most](highest) percentage of money, [while](with) 28.91% for Ireland and 32.14% for Turkey, on food, drinks and tobacco. The other 3 countries had [similar](nearly even. Here similar will raise confusion.) percentage at an average of nearly 17%, which is far lower than (that of) the previous countries. Then in the item of clothing and footwear Italy stood out with a 9%and the rest of the countries range from 5% to 7%. [Different from](in contrast with) the former 2items, [countries](the countries) spending didnt vary too much from each other in the item of leisure and education. Italy went to 4.35% and Spain sit at 1.98%.[Every country has its unique way of life](Its the people not the country that have their way of life. Id rather say People in different countries have different life styles.). We can judge them only through consumers spending[, but](.But) it may be better if [we](they) spend more money on education and leisure.注：中括号里的内容是觉得有问题的部分，之后括号内的内容是给出的替换.时间关系只能说这么多了，希望能帮到你.。

【关于剑7作文的参考价值本人11月将烤鸭,最近主要看写作.都说剑

我建议你不要一上来就看剑7··毕竟这书刚出来··又只有四篇TASK··要好好利用这宝贵的最新真题首先我觉得LZ应该去买本稍便宜的剑4来做或者更便宜的剑1··虽然题目老，但毕竟是曾经的真题··做完这些老题至少就对雅思考题有个初步印象了··然后再来做剑7既然是真题，那么一定要按雅思正式考试的时间标准来做，就拿写作来说一定先自己一小时内把真题大小作文都写完，然后趁自己的思维还热乎赶紧看后面的范文，看看考官的范文到底好在哪里，跟自己的文章思路做下对比，揣摩下考官为什么要这样写，这样的行文思路有什么好处，自己以后能不能这样写.这是思路.然后看考官的用词，你会发现所有剑系列的范文用词都很简单，偶尔一个大词那也要仔细研究·然后掌握（其实这样的词很少），关键是要掌握考官用词的准确度，这个才是精髓，时间长了你会发现其实有时候考官是在刻意用简单的词汇，但妙就妙在简单的词汇被用的恰到好处，这个是最需要学习的最后是句型，我想这是整篇范文最出彩的地方，拿自己的文章跟范文比，真的会觉得自己句型的幼稚，范文都是精挑细选出来的，好多句型都太巧妙了，最精炼简洁的句子表达出最完整准确的意思，这是一个好句型的标准，然而范文毕竟很少，我们要做的就是用这些范文来激发我们的思维，举一反三，自己沿着范文的思路来创造自己的文字.其实不管你要考多少分，实在的讲剑系列这套书就足够了，能把这套书消化好，多少分都没有问题。

剑桥雅思7test1表格作文,希望高手予以批改,20分不多,但保证送出

The data indicates that consumer spending on different items from five different countries in 2002,including Ireland,Italy,Spain,Sweden,and Turkey.The first section consists of Food,Drinks,and Tobacco.Specially,Turkey is accounted in 32.14% and Turkey spends more money on Food,Drinks,Tocbacco than other countries.The statistics from Italy,Spain,and Sweden were similar in the first section.Accroding to the data,the second section is made up of Clothing and Footwear.9% from Italy is the highest percentage and the lowest percentage is Sweden.The third section is Leisure and Education.The percentage of Italy and Sweden are 3.20% and 3.22%.Turkey spends money on Leisure and Education is 4.35% which is the highest percentage in the third section.As the table shown,most people would like to spend more money on Food,Drinks,and Tobacco and spend less money on Leisure and Education.修改完毕！请LZ给分吧 ⊙﹏⊙。

剑7 test1 小作文 求修改

The graphic information in the table shows how the consumers spend their money between different items, in the following five countries by 2002: Ireland, Italy, Spain, Sweden and Turkey.According to the table, most of the people in Ireland and Turkey were more likely to spend their money on food, drinks and tobacco. For Ireland and Turkey, the percentage of the money spend were 28.91% and 32.14%, but the other three countries in comparison had a percentage that was relatively low, which was at an average of 17% or so. However, the consumer expenditure for clothing and footwear in Italy were the highest, which was around 9.00%. Still, theres no doubt that Spain was the country with the lowest percentage for national consumer expenditure of leisure and education that was only 1.98%; while Turkey, was more than twice of what Spain had. Yet, the cost for leisure and education in Ireland, Italy and Sweden, according to the data, were at 2.21%, 3.2% and 3.22%.In conclusion, consumers in Turkey were preferred to pour their money into both Food/Drinks/Tobacco and Leisure/Education, as against the highest consumer expenditure in other Europe countries was Food/Drinks/Tobacco.大多数的用词方法改了一下，顺序也稍微换了一下，这样读起来比较顺口，还有你那个Food/Drinks/Tobacco和Leisure/Education，在这边基本上是不用“/”来划分的，就直接用逗号，而且也不要大写。

你最后一段我没看懂你想说什么，所以就没改了，。

我30号考雅思,很担心小作文,写了一篇剑桥雅思7上的,考过的前

1. 请检查拼写和谓语动词搭配2. 文章结构很好，个别句子可删减3. 过去的数据用过去时，检查时态4. 更多体现饼图percentage的特征5. 更多的比较，不是只做数据陈列6. 最好注意英式拼写与美式拼写的不同以下是修改过的，不一定全对。

我也看过范文，觉得语言和写作风格能学习，但是逻辑结构每个人不一样。最重要是多练习怎么安排数据的分析，做到有条理却不需要面面俱到，语言不用很复杂都可以。

修改后共219，考场上还是容易写够的。The following charts illustrate the fuel sources contain in units of electricity for two countries – Australia and France. Both of which were, beyond doubt, the total productions of electricity climbed up dramatically from 1980 to 2000. Specifically, the figure of Australia increased from 100 to 170 units, and for France, it showed a double growth from 90 to 180 units.In Australia, by the year 1980, coal made a great contribution to the fuel production with 50%, and it kept the leading position in 2000, holding approximately 75%. Similarly, the hydro power increased slightly from 20 to 36 units. While both natural gas and oil experienced declines from 20 and 10 units to only 2 units respectively.In comparison of France, however, the hydro power dropped from 5 to 2 units being the minor source, whilst the oil ascended from 20 to 25 units. It is notable that coal and natural gas were the main electricity sources in 1980, with the same figure of 25%. Specially, the nuclear power, which was not used at all in Australia, had a steady raise from 15 to 126 units of electricity, ranking the first among all elements.Overall, it is clear that by 2000 these two countries relied on different principal fuel sources: Australia relied on coal and France relied on nuclear power.。

这个是剑桥7 test4 的小作文,请大家帮忙改一下,谢谢啦

The given pie charts illustrate unites of electricity production by fuel score (coal, oil, natural gas, hydro power and nuclear power) in Australia and France in 1980 and 2000.这里没能完全描述出图表的主要特征。

且首段过于简单，记住首段是面子，一定要写的漂亮。As can be seen from these charts, the units of electricity by different categories of fuel were various in two countries in the different years. Specifically, in 1980, approximately half of the electricity units were produced by coal ,which shared the same production with natural gas (only 25 units) in France. The electricity units/delete production by natural gas were 20 units in Australia. In terms of//用词不准确，和后面的半句意义一样，整句就是重复累赘，production by oil and hydro power , the units of electricity produced by hydro power were 20 units, which were four times /加greater/ than those in France, however, only 10 units of electricity were made/generated by oil in Australia, which were half of those in France. To our surprise , nuclear power made 15 units of electricity in France and none of any/the others contributed /as much to the electricity/power supply in France.In 2002, the majority of//不能这样用 electricity was produce/d by coal ( 130 units) in Australia, which still made the same quantity /units/删掉 （25 units） in France. Clearly, the dominant production of electricity was by nuclear power in France with the amount of 126 units. Natural gas and oil produced very little//口语化，书面语少用very// electricity (only 2 units) in Australia. The France had the/a similar quantity by natural gas and hydro power.Overall, these figures lead us to /the/ conclusion that coal is the major source to produce electricity in Australia while nuclear power played a significant role in production of electricity in France.我一直不知道小作文要怎么才能进步，每次都会超时，用大概25分钟才能写完，而且字数都超很多（超过200）。

请各位指导一下我，该怎么在不到一个月的时间内提高小作文。如何避免在把信息点都描述清楚后字数不会超。

万分感谢！！估计你小作文超时的原因有二，第一，不是很熟悉图表作文的套话，或者说写作模板准备不够，第二，对小作文的要求理解不到位，当然也有可能是你对如何抓住图表的main features的技巧掌握的还不娴熟。这也就导致你时间花的过多，且写出来的东西就像我们的伟大祖国一样，大而漏洞百出问题多多。

小作文就是要求短小精悍，150词能解决就不需要200或更多。多了反而更容易出错，所谓言多必失。

针对这样的问题，你可以首先多看些小作文的范文，掌握一些通用的结构和规律，在练习中提炼你自己的常用句型和模板，考试时能做到提笔就写拿来就用。再就是小作文要求得很清楚，抓住图表的主要特征进行描述就好，无需太过在意次要细节。

每个图表或者数据都是在讲一个问题，你要看出这个问题就好了，不需要面面俱到的。这篇文章你去对照一下后面的范文就知道其实要拿高分，完全不需要描述所有的信息点。

这个文章抓住电力增长很快，同时澳洲主要靠煤，法国主要靠核能这两个点就好了。如果你不确定是不是看图分析能力还不够的话，你可以先用中文写写小作文，或者把自己的小作文翻译成中文，然后给你的父母同学朋友看看，让他们评价一下你的文章在抛开语言的前提下是否完成了描述图表主要特征的任务。

如果没有，那你首先要考虑提高看图能力。相信在你理解了小作文的得分点和技巧后，会很快上手的。

还是那句话，雅思一点都不可怕，加油。

剑7雅思英语作文,高分求修改意见,不剩感激

请问下你这篇文章准备拿多少分，现在这个答案从任何角度来看都足够8分水平，应该已经足够了吧

简单提些小意见，仅供参考，有些纯粹是个人说话习惯，人跟人也有分别，大可看看而已

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优点

1.辞藻丰富，用词准确

2.开场白，两方论点，总结，条理清晰明了

3.句法严禁，语法普遍准确

缺点

1.某些地方仍然有中式思维的残留，只挑一个例子来说

We, human beings, have mercy on these kinds of crimes and everyone could understand and allow certain variations existing.

allow certain variations existing明显是“允许一些变通存在”的直翻，（个人认为）更通顺的写法应为

We, human beings, SHOULD have mercy on these kinds of crimes. We SHOULD show our understanding(s) and allow the existence(s) of certain variations.

2.语法错误

The ultimate objective that making the society better off as a whole, should be reminded all the time.

The ultimate objective that makes (aims to make) the society better as a whole, should be reminded at all time.

better of个人觉得不应该用在这种语境里吧，只是个感觉，请查有关文章对比用法

3.显示出一些小小的文章个性

遵守文章结构当然会为考官带来不少的方便，但以你的水平来看，足以在此基础上显示一些个人的才华，你的能力应该绰绰有余，充分的表现下自己么，呵呵

开场白，放松一些，不需要完全转换原题，显得会有些生硬，自然点就好

两方论点比重，既然反方有两个例子，正方（fairness方）不能什么都没有。这个题当然有自己的倾向，但文章要自己掌握住

有自己的想法，完全可以在总结里面提出，In my own opinion， 两句话，之后结尾

4.正反都有自己的优缺点，要支持的同时简单提一句反驳，但不要和另一方论点雷同

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最后祝考试顺利，个人认为完全不必要把精力放在写作上了，把其他部分拉倒8分水平就好了

跪谢

我也是挣扎中的烤鸭一员，只是说下我的见解，希望互相勉励吧

第一段改写得很好啊，我好喜欢

第二段感觉第一句不太对啊，图标给的是百分比而不是花销的量是吧。

Food/Drinks/Tobacoo group accounted for the largest part of（我想用in是不是好一点呢）the three sectors

还有在说到国家间差异的时候，我不太清楚你是在跟其他国家间对比呢，还是说是国家内部这个数据的对比呢。读起来有点迷糊。.

还有.. 你很久都没有处理你的问题啦，你现在已经考了么？