剑8 test1 小作文 求评分批改

第一行有个错别字：courses---causes。

第一段对题目改写比较简单，而且后半句和原题比较像。

第三行the most component segment（应该加个这一类的词吧），第四行deforestation的比例写错了，应该是30%。而且说了比上一个低5%，就不用再提具体数了。

第三段it lists 3 causes leading to land degradation in such three regions

而且本段写的有点混乱23%land degraded by the deforestation(9.8%)and over cultivation7.7% and over-gazing5.5% in Europe. 没有谓语动词，而且没有比较

The over-gazing rate makes up 13% and results to land degraded in Oceania.

常用表达the rate/proportion of over-grazing

The over cultivation and over grazing leave 3.7% and1.5%result to land degraded in North America.去掉句首的The, 3.7% and1.5% 后面加个respectively

result to 改成-ing形式吧

本文运气好也许能到6但很有可能是5.5及以下的。因为正文部分语法错误多，表意不明确、而且句式结构有点随意、简单了。

【雅思剑5test1小作文求评价

The line graph describes some data about the percentage =》是不是可以改成 The line graph describes the percentage。

aged 65 and over =》aged 65 and older As can be seen from this line graph,there is an increasing trend in the number of old people in three countries.More precisely,the percentage of population went up gradually from 9% in 1940 to 15% in 1982 and it will remain stable at 14% in 2018（那个国家？）.After that（去掉？），the proportion of population aged 65 and over is expected to reach 23% in 2040.Similarly（跟什么说similarly，前后说的好像不一样） ，the proportion of population age 65and over in Sweden accounted for 7% in 1940 to 26% in 2040（对将来数据的预测，时态是否不对？）.While,the percentage of population aged 65 and over in USA remained steady at 5% by the end of 2008,After that,there is a substantial surge and occupies at 27% in 2040（对将来数据的预测，时态是否不对？）.Therefore,it shows that the percentage of 65+ people are soring moderately in the next three decades.（ 未来三年应该是数据预测，不是shows吧.，另外，soring moderately，适度的飙升？有点矛盾？）soring => soaring。

剑7 test1 小作文 求修改

The graphic information in the table shows how the consumers spend their money between different items, in the following five countries by 2002: Ireland, Italy, Spain, Sweden and Turkey.According to the table, most of the people in Ireland and Turkey were more likely to spend their money on food, drinks and tobacco. For Ireland and Turkey, the percentage of the money spend were 28.91% and 32.14%, but the other three countries in comparison had a percentage that was relatively low, which was at an average of 17% or so. However, the consumer expenditure for clothing and footwear in Italy were the highest, which was around 9.00%. Still, theres no doubt that Spain was the country with the lowest percentage for national consumer expenditure of leisure and education that was only 1.98%; while Turkey, was more than twice of what Spain had. Yet, the cost for leisure and education in Ireland, Italy and Sweden, according to the data, were at 2.21%, 3.2% and 3.22%.In conclusion, consumers in Turkey were preferred to pour their money into both Food/Drinks/Tobacco and Leisure/Education, as against the highest consumer expenditure in other Europe countries was Food/Drinks/Tobacco.大多数的用词方法改了一下，顺序也稍微换了一下，这样读起来比较顺口，还有你那个Food/Drinks/Tobacco和Leisure/Education，在这边基本上是不用“/”来划分的，就直接用逗号，而且也不要大写。

你最后一段我没看懂你想说什么，所以就没改了，。

雅思作文批改 剑2 test1 小作文 （高分求修改）

The (graph 是曲线图，应该是表table才对) gives information about the consumer durables owned in the UK over the period from 1972 to 1983.As can be seen from the table, the greatest increase （可以考虑加上during this period）was found in telephone ownership, rising from 42% in 1972 to 77% in1983. Next came central heating ownership, which rose considerably by 27%, form37% in 1972 to 64% in 1983. The percentage of households with a refrigerator grew 21% during the same period and of those with a washing machine by 14%. In addition, households with vacuum-cleaners, televisions and dishwashers increased by 8%, 5% and 2% respectively.In the year of 1983 their introduction,television ownership stayed in top position in terms of households with, which is about 20 times larger than (telephone错了，应该是 dishwasher 才对哦！) ownership. It is also interesting to notice that 18% of households had a video recorder in 1983. (Of course the reason was because they were the new invention of that time！ 这句是的替你加上的，你不须一定要接受。

)（Another new invention was the dishwasher, their figures only started to show from the year 1978,also because they are kind of luxury, too expensive and no really a nessesity. Therefore they showed a very slow increase from 3% to only 5% in five years 这是的替你补充的，同样是，你可以加或不加上去都任随你。）In conclusion, there were striking differences in percentage of households with in(within 是一个字) the 11 years spanning from 1972 through 1983.原文写得甚好，只有一个明显的错处（把 telephone 当作 dishwasher）。

另外，我替你加长了一些以供参考，你可以接受或不接受都由你。希望会对你有帮助，若满意请及时采纳，如有不明可以继续追问，谢谢。

剑10 test1 小作文什么意思

剑10test1 小作文，家用能源和气体排放 The above two charts depict the Austrilianhousehold energy use and the corresponding gas emissions of each type of energyuse.From the first pie chart we could see thatwater heating and heating are two major types of energy use, which occupies 30%and 42% of all the energy used in one household. Other appliances use 15% ofthe energy, and then refrigeration, lighting and cooling, which share the left13% of energy.Figures in the second chart are quitedifferent from that of the first chart. Heating, which consumes 42% of a householdsenergy, only emits 15% of all the gas that one household produces. But the gasemission and energy use of water heating are pretty even, at around 30%. Costs only7% of all the energy, refrigeration produces 14% of all the gas, which goes forthe condition of other appliances and the figures are 15% and 28%, and for thecondition of lighting, 4% and 8%. Cooling consumes 2% of energy and contributesto 3% of gas emission.To sum up, water heating and heatingconsume 72% of energy and produces only 47% of gas. Refrigeration and otherappliances, though only use 22% of energy, emit 42% of gas.大作文， 教小孩是非观要不要从小时候就开始教， 要不要punishment Indeed, children need to learn how to tellright from wrong as they grow into adults. But as far as I am concerned, it isbetter for us to teach this ability to them when they are older rather than atan early age. Moreover, certain punishments are required to make sure childrencould behave themselves.For starter, it would be easier for us toteach children about the difference between right and wrong when they becomeolder. Young children, due to their lack of life experience, have difficultiesin understanding moral lectures. However, after they grow up a little, theycould better digest the meaning of what is right and wrong based on their pastexperience, thus will grasp the notion of right and wrong more easily andthoroughly.Similarly, older children tend to know moreabout punishment, and will be able to learn from the punishment caused by theirfail to recognize the distinction between right and wrong. Punishment mighthave long-lasting influences on younger children for they are too fragile. Olderchildren, on the other hand, could handle punishment more with ease and couldfigure out the reason they got punished. Therefore, they could gain betterunderstanding about right and wrong than younger children do.The sort of punishment for parents andteachers to use whey they are trying to teach children about good behavior is asubtle issue. But the function of punishment is undeniable. It is necessary topunish a child because of his or her wrong acting. I suggest to use criticizeor physical training, such as asking children to do cleaning, as punishment.To conclude, teaching children about rightand wrong should be waited until children become older. Accompanied by certainways of punishment, the teaching process would be more productive.。

剑10 test1 小作文什么意思

剑10test1小作文，家用能源和气体排放The above two charts depict the Austrilianhousehold energy use and the corresponding gas emissions of each type of energyuse.From the first pie chart we could see thatwater heating and heating are two major types of energy use, which occupies 30%and 42% of all the energy used in one household. Other appliances use 15% ofthe energy, and then refrigeration, lighting and cooling, which share the left13% of energy.Figures in the second chart are quitedifferent from that of the first chart. Heating, which consumes 42% of a householdsenergy, only emits 15% of all the gas that one household produces. But the gasemission and energy use of water heating are pretty even, at around 30%. Costs only7% of all the energy, refrigeration produces 14% of all the gas, which goes forthe condition of other appliances and the figures are 15% and 28%, and for thecondition of lighting, 4% and 8%. Cooling consumes 2% of energy and contributesto 3% of gas emission.To sum up, water heating and heatingconsume 72% of energy and produces only 47% of gas. Refrigeration and otherappliances, though only use 22% of energy, emit 42% of gas.大作文， 教小孩是非观要不要从小时候就开始教， 要不要punishmentIndeed, children need to learn how to tellright from wrong as they grow into adults. But as far as I am concerned, it isbetter for us to teach this ability to them when they are older rather than atan early age. Moreover, certain punishments are required to make sure childrencould behave themselves.For starter, it would be easier for us toteach children about the difference between right and wrong when they becomeolder. Young children, due to their lack of life experience, have difficultiesin understanding moral lectures. However, after they grow up a little, theycould better digest the meaning of what is right and wrong based on their pastexperience, thus will grasp the notion of right and wrong more easily andthoroughly.Similarly, older children tend to know moreabout punishment, and will be able to learn from the punishment caused by theirfail to recognize the distinction between right and wrong. Punishment mighthave long-lasting influences on younger children for they are too fragile. Olderchildren, on the other hand, could handle punishment more with ease and couldfigure out the reason they got punished. Therefore, they could gain betterunderstanding about right and wrong than younger children do.The sort of punishment for parents andteachers to use whey they are trying to teach children about good behavior is asubtle issue. But the function of punishment is undeniable. It is necessary topunish a child because of his or her wrong acting. I suggest to use criticizeor physical training, such as asking children to do cleaning, as punishment.To conclude, teaching children about rightand wrong should be waited until children become older. Accompanied by certainways of punishment, the teaching process would be more productive.。

帮我改一下这个雅思小作文是剑5 test1的小作文

The graph illustrates changes in the proportion of the population aged 65 and over form 1940 to 2040 in Japan, Sweden, and USA. （介词in用的没错，但要加上逗号。）

In 1940,JAPAN was the least in amount of population aged over 65,which was 5%. While the American population was the most proportion,which was double of Japanese about 9%,furthermore,Swiss population was 7% in between.

---In 1940, Japan was the one which has the least amount of population aged 65 and over(5%), while America consists of the largest proportion, which amounts to 9%, doubling that of Japan.

During 100-year period,proportion of Swiss and American had a upward trend,which increased to 25% and 27% respectively.but there was a slight decline in the number of Swiss population from 2010 to 2030.

However,the proportion of Japanese population witnessed a downward trend from 1940 to 1990,which reached the bottom (about 3%), after which, we can see a highly upward trend that the population increased to 27% in 2040.Furthermore, it even overtook Swiss and America in 2030.

Overall,the graph shows the proportion of three countrys population aged 65 and over has increased dramatically in 100 years.

剑7 test1 小作文 求修改

The graphic information in the table shows how the consumers spend their money between different items, in the following five countries by 2002: Ireland, Italy, Spain, Sweden and Turkey.

According to the table, most of the people in Ireland and Turkey were more likely to spend their money on food, drinks and tobacco. For Ireland and Turkey, the percentage of the money spend were 28.91% and 32.14%, but the other three countries in comparison had a percentage that was relatively low, which was at an average of 17% or so. However, the consumer expenditure for clothing and footwear in Italy were the highest, which was around 9.00%. Still, theres no doubt that Spain was the country with the lowest percentage for national consumer expenditure of leisure and education that was only 1.98%; while Turkey, was more than twice of what Spain had. Yet, the cost for leisure and education in Ireland, Italy and Sweden, according to the data, were at 2.21%, 3.2% and 3.22%.

In conclusion, consumers in Turkey were preferred to pour their money into both Food/Drinks/Tobacco and Leisure/Education, as against the highest consumer expenditure in other Europe countries was Food/Drinks/Tobacco.

大多数的用词方法改了一下，顺序也稍微换了一下，这样读起来比较顺口，还有你那个Food/Drinks/Tobacco和Leisure/Education，在这边基本上是不用“/”来划分的，就直接用逗号，而且也不要大写。

你最后一段我没看懂你想说什么，所以就没改了，。

请专业人士帮忙改一篇雅思小作文,剑6test1task1,谢谢

我提几点意见

1：第2段第1行.首先有个用词不准. usage应该改为use（后面同理）， 因为usage是"用法"的意思， use同样可以做名词. usage有the generally accepted way of using something的意思， 而use才是the act of using. 另外这一句考虑重写一下， 因为目前句子主干是the use are three ways. 这个表述不恰当（重点考虑改写谓语）. 最后， 个人觉得ways后面的which应该加逗号， 因为我觉得你在写一个非限定性定语从句.

2：第2段倒数第2行. a SHAPE increase? or sharp?

3：第2段最后一行， reach应改为reaching. 和peaking并列的， 或者说补充的成分吧.

4：第3段"As can be seen from the table that the comparison of water consumption between Brazil and Congo from 3 factors。.." 此句缺乏谓语. table后面的that是对table的从句补充吧， 而句首as又是连词， 所以这句只出现了as引出的省略句， 并且缺乏谓语.

很晚了 有点困， 只能看出这么多了 - -b 我有不对的地方请指教. 希望这些能对你有用.

good luck,