剑5TEST2大作文求改,想知道自己最大的问题在那里？牛人们帮忙

帮你贴还没有看但是第一印象就是40分钟内你绝对写不了那么多.What,you maywonder,is the consequences of youngsters finding a job or beginning a travelduring the time of a year rather than entering the classroom in universityimmediately of who have just graduated from high schools and are going to befreshman in colleges.Although,inspired by their parents and teachers,he or she undoubtedlymake up his or her mind to explore the society and the world by a job or atrip,it seems that with some positive effects being brought,the negative onesalso emerge among above activities. Why these wayschose by so many young student become second to none on acquainting themselveswith real society can be illustrated by the cause that through normal teachingon class from high school to college only theoretical knowledge are absorbedcompletely by students.By contrast,the practical skills such as the ability ofcommunication are really hard to be taught at school,which need real backgroundsand visual negotiations with strangers.Because of this,if somebody look forwardto adapt cruel society in advance,it is necessary for them to spent such a yearon getting in touch with the real world.Furthermore,these future students incampus are easier to make friend with the strangers who they never meet bycooperating with others or helping each other during the trip.And the biggestadvantage they can obtain is that with the chance of ** every crucial decisionto cope with difficulties happened during this year,self-esteem would beencouraged and self-knowledge also can be fulfilled. However,likepatients take pills to control diseases accompanied by side effect,thedisadvantages of having interim year to experience the true world and becomemature in psychology are also brought about.Firstly,it is inevitable that aftergetting salary and earning money in work or enjoying themselves at touristsites the interests on study will naturally decreae and the attraction ofknowledge will deminsh at the same time,followed by the behaviours of skipingthe courses and giving up the goal in life.Even worse,there are manytemptations such as luxury hotels and modern pubs that lead to a wrong way tocourt material lifestyles and then make them hated in study. In myopinion,before starting the first social course in lifetime,the right guidancesfrom parents and teachers is essential to make sure that these vivid youthswill not be disturbed by bad things.only in this way,can these activities abouta year be useful for young people and the whole society.。

哪位大牛帮我批改下雅思 大概多少分 ,剑5 text4 的小作文 谢谢 本人高

你这篇应该是6分。

开头第一段，不要特地把line chart,bar chart写出来。显得有点啰嗦，而且我们主要看你是否能把图表信息描述清楚，至于是啥图，并不关心。

第二句话，很有问题。我想这应该用the most popular travel destinations 而不是famous。

第二段： 不要老用visitors，换成tourists或者travelers都行。both arrived at around 10 millions respectively. 这里，怎么既用both又用respectively，那么到底是都还是分别呢？ a sharp growth UK visitors visited 5 most popular states were。

缺少the，改成the 5 most popular nations among UK tourists 要好点最后一点，对你的内容选择上有点建议。既然给你2个可以比较的信息，你就得比较它们一下。

用一些词比如 几倍多，更多等等。用的词有点简单了。

语法没有太大的错误，基本过关。从句的量可以再多一点。

所使用的逻辑衔接词，都挺不错。但是，在描述时间轴上的信息时，缺乏衔接。

描述得也略微简单了点。总的来说，6分是一个比较合理的分。

雅思,剑5,Test4 section 4,有句话太长了看不懂,请帮忙破句和翻

You'll also find that to get the most out of the library you really do need to be computer literate

and so all this term we run small classes which will bring you up to speed on how to access the computer-loaded information.

两段并列

You'll also find 以下为宾语

that to get the most out of the library you really do need to be computer literate

to get the most out of the library 为状语

上半句完

看下半句

so all this term 时间状

we run small classes 主句

which will bring you up to speed on how to access the computer-loaded information. 定语从句，其中how to access the computer-loaded information. 为宾语从句

大致意思：电脑能力很重要，下学期要开小班，让你们可以快速会从电脑上获取信息。

100分，难得，这里人都不给分的 ：）

雅思剑5test1小作文 求评价

The line graph describes some data about the percentage =》是不是可以改成 The line graph describes the percentage。

aged 65 and over =》aged 65 and older ?As can be seen from this line graph,there is an increasing trend in the number of old people in three countries.More precisely,the percentage of population went up gradually from 9% in 1940 to 15% in 1982 and it will remain stable at 14% in 2018（那个国家？）.After that（去掉？），the proportion of population aged 65 and over is expected to reach 23% in 2040.Similarly（跟什么说similarly，前后说的好像不一样） ，the proportion of population age 65and over in Sweden accounted for 7% in 1940 to 26% in 2040（对将来数据的预测，时态是否不对？）.While,the percentage of population aged 65 and over in USA remained steady at 5% by the end of 2008,After that, there is a substantial surge and occupies at 27% in 2040（对将来数据的预测，时态是否不对？）.Therefore,it shows that the percentage of 65+ people are soring moderately in the next three decades.（ 未来三年应该是数据预测，不是shows吧。

。，另外，soring moderately，适度的飙升？有点矛盾？）soring => soaring。

帮忙修改雅思小作文,顺便请指点指点

我想说，楼上的评论不准确。

你的字数192，没超200就不算多，雅思考官的范文也有到这个字数的。其次，你的观点很有见地，而且表达很准确。

所以保守估计至少有7分。有小的语法错误，但不影响表达。

比如第一段， in the next 20 years，这句话有点冗长，建议拆两句，比较推荐用英式拼写（虽然无所谓，但考官都是英国的，他们看着别扭）你第三段next开头用的没有问题还有，非限制性定语从句用的有点多，就是你那个which，换个句型哈。注意一下你标点的使用，漏了几个逗号。

我很喜欢你的语言风格，很像考官的范文。还是在大作文上多下点功夫吧看好你，加油。

雅思小作文求批改！剑4 Test 4 语法不是特别好,自己练习ing,希望大

6分到6.5分水平。

有些小语法错误，比如第二段开头 the number of **** and that of *** were increased， 这个应该用主动过去时态， increased 。对于line chart， 不仅要描写总趋势，还要描写一些突出的细节变化。

Bar chart，描写的很平凡，句式很普通，表达清晰，没什么错误，不好不坏。 最后一段 sharply rose ，副词来修饰动词。

句型的变换太普通，词语也没有什么活用的迹象。比如UK residents UK visitors UK travellers（双写l，雅思是英国人阅卷，偷懒单写l可能被心情不好的考官减分。

美国人懒得很才单写。） 这三个词可以有很多种形式表达， People travelled from UK, People from Britain。

总体而言没有什么亮点，也没什么大缺点，语句通顺，词汇适中，给个6.5差不多。没什么好改的，重写还差不多。